Laced With Grace

Some of you may remember Gomer Pyle, the simple-minded gas station attendant on The Andy Griffith Show and Gomer Pyle, U.S.M.C. back in the 1960’s. He was often awestruck by the simplest of things, resulting in the exclamation of his catchphrases, “Shazam!”, “Gaaw-aawl-ly” and “Surprise, Surprise, Surprise!”

The later catch phrase is how I have felt over the past 25 years living with chronic illness. Most illnesses come at a person when they least expect it bringing many unwanted and unexpected surprises.

There are a few surprises  that have pleasantly surprised my family and I. For years I had been a person who was always busy ‘doing’ I worked full-time outside the home, involved in various ministries, wife, mother, and homemaker. I took care of everyone but me, and it finally caught up with me over the years.

Six years ago, my life as I knew it came to a complete halt! It was as though my body said, “You didn’t take the numerous hints I gave you over the years, so I quit!” Between the pain, multiple infections, brain fog, fatigue and depression etc., I was at a complete stand still in all aspects of my life. Even a simple conversation was difficult. Praying and reading my bible became a chore. Through sheer desperation, I cried out to God, “I give up! I no longer have the strength to live.” The still small voice of the Lord whispered; “Now I finally have your attention! It’s not in your strength, but Mine!”

I relinquished my will – and yielded to God’s will for my life. I chose to live each day to its fullest – to live simply, love deeply, and laugh often. If this means all I do today is sit and listen as my daughter shares her day with me, then that is God’s will for my life today. I am making a conscious effort not to let things get to me. If it doesn’t get done today, there is always tomorrow or the next day.

“Since I know it is all for Christ’s good, I am quite content with my weaknesses and with insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:10 (NLT)

What a difference this has made in my life as well as in the life of my family. Imagine their surprise as I became content with my life and in return became a happier person to be around.

“But now that you’ve found you don’t have to listen to sin tell you what to do, and have discovered the delight of listening to God telling you, what a surprise! A whole, healed, put-together life right now, with more and more of life on the way!” Romans 6:22 (The Message Bible)

The other week as my family was together, we were describing each other using one word. When it came to me, my 14 year old grandson said, “Funny”, my son-in-law said, “Crazy”, my sweet daughter said, “Loving”, and my very supportive husband – just smiled and laughed!

Chronic illness has brought many surprises to my life and my family’s; but the best surprise of all is that I have become a joyful, mellow, playful, thankful, giving, loving, wife, mother, grandmother and most of all faithful child of our merciful God!

It’s not how many times we go to church, how many ministries we are involved in, or how busy we are for God…. Whether we have a chronic illness or not – the answer to a blessed, joyful, Christian life is the following:

“Whatever you eat or drink or whatever you do, you must do all for the glory of God.“ 1 Corinthians 10:31 (NLT)

“Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content.” Philippians 4:11 (NKJV)

What surprises has chronic illness brought to your life or a family member’s life that you would like to share with us?

http://michele-risingabove.blogspot.com

What Is Chronic Illness? One in two Americans currently suffer from a form of chronic disease. Learn what it is, and what you can do if you or a loved one is suffering from a chronic illness. What Is Chronic Illness? You can find a Definition and Explanation of Chronic Disease here.

This is a very frustrating post to write!  I am on my friend’s computer (thanks, Melissa!!!), so grateful for her generosity in letting me use it.  Otherwise, I would be at the public library trying to figure out their system.  I have been without a computer all week- it won’t log on to the Internet.  (This explains my absence in bloggyland for those of you who regularly visit my blog.)  This has been extremely frustrating because I had been borrowing my husband’s laptop because my laptop power cord died two weeks ago.  Yes, I have “blown” two computers in two weeks.  God, are you trying to tell me something?

“Why are you so downcast, O my soul?”

Today, I have felt at my breaking point- DESPERATE, ALONE, and DEPRESSED.  All week I have prayed and prayed and prayed over the computer and situation.  I have pleaded with God to intervene and help.  I have rebuked the devil.  And, I have been angry with God.  Why won’t He answer me?  Or why does every door seem to slam closed in my face?  I keep trying the computer, believing that God will work a miracle, but the situation is still the same.  I mean, if God can part the Red Sea, raise people from the dead, and crumble palace walls with a simple trumpet blow, then a computer is “small potatoes” in comparison!  And, yet…..no computer.

I have cried over this computer.  Cried over a COMPUTER!  A COMPUTER!!!

But, it is not the computer that has me feeling so abandoned.  It is that God hasn’t or won’t answer my prayer.  It is that I am desperate and I can’t hear Him.  It is that I want Him to make it “OK” and He isn’t.

I know it is silly.

There are many who are suffering so much more than I am.  I have a sweet friend who SUFFERED with cancer last year….and lost her battle with it.  There are at least a dozen families I know who are suffering through a divorce.  Two families at my children’s school are suffering with cancer.  My friend is a foster parent to a baby who has only half of her brain that has developed.  She will never see, walk, or feed herself.  She has hundreds of seizures a day.  Many families are suffering because of lost income.

And, I am so “down” because of a computer????

But, it is the absence I feel from my God.  I know He hasn’t abandoned me.  I know He is right here.  But, I don’t “feel” Him.  Can’t “hear” Him.

 It doesn’t matter how “big” or “little” the trial is, or what God uses when He is refining us, it still hurts.  I have had my share of “big” trials- child abuse, marriage struggles, moving away from family, two miscarriages…..But, whenever we feel separated from the Father, it is difficult.

Today when I was walking, I listened to the Ginny Owens song, “If You Want Me To” over and over.  The words are incredible.

The pathway is broken and the signs are unclear.  And I don’t know the reason You brought me here.

Why God?  But, because You love me…

I’m gonna walk through the valley if You want me to.

Lord, even though this is painful, I will walk this road. 

‘Cause I’m not who I was when I took my first step.  And, I’m clinging to the promise You’re not through with me yet.

Thank You, Lord, that You are using this trial to grow me,  to refine me, to draw me closer to You….

So if all of these trials bring me closer to You, I will go through the fire if You want me to.

Lord, I don’t want to “waste” this trial….I want to learn what You are trying to teach me.  I want to draw closer to You.  I am desperate for You.

It may not be the way I would have chosen.

No, Lord!  I would not have chosen to have these headaches and disappointments.  This is NOT a “good” week- I have three sites I am writing for this week…. 

You never said it would be easy.  You only said I would never go alone.

No matter what it “feels” like, I am not alone.  You haven’t left me.  You are walking me through.

So, when the whole world turns against me and I’m all by myself, and I can’t hear You answer my cries for help, I remember the suffering Your love put You through and I will go through the valley if You want me to.

So here I am, like Jacob, wrestling with God.  And, I have told Him I am not letting go until He blesses me.  I am not letting go…until we go through this valley.  I am not letting go until He refines me.  I am not letting go until I have grown closer to Him.  I am not letting go until I hear His voice!

Father, I know in this life, we walk through the fire, we will go through the valley.  Jesus tells us that there will be suffering, but to have heart- He has overcome the world!  So, I choose to lift my shield of faith and put on my garment of praise.  I sing praises to You.  And, like Job, I say BLESSED BE THE NAME OF THE LORD!  In Jesus’ precious Name I pray.  Amen.

THIRSTY FOR HIM,

Tracy

On lazy Saturday afternoons, the kids often get restless and I begin to hear, “Mom, can we go rent a movie?”  Or, “Can we run down to the store and buy some treats?”  Once in the store, the materialistic spirit takes over with requests for new toys, new books, items that so-and-so has or special snacks that we don’t usually keep around the house.  Gimmee this, gimmee that…

I understand where they are coming from since I have a long wish list myself of items I would love to add to my home and life.  Even in tough economic times, we still come from a nation with the “gimmee”s.  Part advertising, part upbringing, and part human nature, we are never quite content with what we have  but always longing for something a little bit more.  Or maybe I just speak for myself today – I struggle with the peaceful contentedness  that the apostle Paul claimed to know.  Even if the glass of life is 95% full, I have a tendency to look at the 5% of emptiness and wish for more. 

But, when I sit down with the Lord in the mornings and bring my list before Him, it doesn’t usually include items I can find in the corner store.   It’s not just more “stuff” that I want to fill my life, but more peace, more hope, more joy…

Lord, I need peace right now in the midst of this crazy schedule, overwhelming demands and stressful situations.  Please give me strength to complete all the tasks You’ve given me for this week.  Lord, increase my faith so I can see how You will provide everything we need for this situation.  Please God, give me patience to deal with my children and courage to face the frightening realities of life and self-control to be the person You are calling me to be.  This list is never ending.

God wants us to come to Him with our requests and He promises to give us all these things on my “wish list” but He wants to give us even more.  It’s so easy for my relationship with God to slip into consumer mode, where I come to Him with requests and hope to leave with my cart filled up by answers from above.  But that’s not how God’s economy works.  Paul said,

“I know what it is to be in need and I know what it is to have plenty.  I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  I can do everything through him who gives me strength.”

What was Paul’s secret?  He asked God for only ONE thing.  Jesus. 

The most simple requestof all: 

Give me Jesus.

When life is overwhelming:  Give me Jesus.

When I’ve failed once again:  Give me Jesus.

When I am afraid:  Give me Jesus.

When I am in need:  Give me Jesus.

Give me Jesus…as the old spiritual says, “You can have all this world, but give me Jesus.” 

So, instead of coming to God for peace or comfort or hope or even financial security today, I come to Him seeking ONE thing only:  Jesus.  This single-minded focus on Jesus as not only my savior or my Lord, but my friend, my answer, my resource and my everything, this is what brings true contentment.  I know that if I have Jesus, I have all I need.

Seeking His face with you,