Laced With Grace

Raising teens today is a huge challenge. I can already tell there are bobbing heads out there, agreeing with that statement. With regards to my own struggling teen, I’ve come in contact with so many other moms out there, dealing with some pretty heavy-duty issues with their teenagers.

In just the last week, I spoke with a friend who’s daughter is battling anxiety issues, just like my own sweet girl. How do we ride these choppy waters and navigate our teens into a place of functioning and thriving adulthood?

I will honestly confess I don’t have any fix all cure or THE ANSWER to solve any situation. Through the ongoing issues of cancer recovery, stress, depression, ongoing health issues, and anxiety that my own daughter has gone and is going through, I’ve found some comfort is four simple areas:

1. You’re not responsible. This was a hard one for me to finally come to grips with. I didn’t cause my daughter’s cancer. There’s nothing I could have done to prevent it or ongoing health issues and anxiety that she’s now going through. I can’t fix it, nor should I hold myself responsible for the outcome. I do what I can for my daughter, then have to leave the rest in God’s hands and TRUST Him for the outcome.

2. Live in the moment. When we first got my daughter’s cancer diagnosis, this lesson hit hard and fast. Life became consumed with doctor appointments, surgery and treatments. I will tell you, I’m so grateful for that because that was just the beginning of what my daughter face. That lesson is what keeps my sane some days because I don’t let the bad moments define all the others. There are precious moments of love and closeness in every day. Grab and appreciate them. They are the inspiration and fuel to keep going some days.

3. Learn to listen. Again, a big lesson for me, especially since I’ve always considered myself a good listener. I am, but when I’m in mommy mode, I want to fix things. I finally learned that a lot of the time, our teens just want us to listen and really HEAR them. This takes practice but it’s vital. Our teens don’t want us to “fix” them. A lot of the time they will come to the right place, but they need us to hear them out. As adults, many of us know we sometimes need to say what we’re struggling with out loud to make sense of it all. Our teenagers need that too. There will be times that we will need to say something, get directly involved, or take action, but most of the time, they just want to know you care and listening is a huge way to show it.

4. Pray like crazy and don’t stop. I confess it’s a challenge, especially when my heart is breaking to see her sadness and frustration that she can’t be “normal.” I have prayed the heavens around this kid over and over again, and I won’t stop until she walks into the healing and future God has told me is hers. And yes, it’s hard when you see them take a couple steps forward and then fall back three steps. Will it ever change? Will this person I’ve worked so hard to raise into adulthood walk into that role with confidence and strength?

Pray, pray, pray. God is faithful. I cling to this truth, because He’s proven it to me time after time. My challenge is not to let my impatience get in the way. Again, trusting God is vital here. He knows our kids. He knows our mother’s heart for them. He’s their Father, Brother, Friend, and hopefully Savior. God can take care of whatever is going on. It may not turn out the way we imagined, but I can guarantee you that it will be the best possible outcome and result for our teenager.

Like I said, I have no clear-cut answers to raising a teenager with issues—to raising any teenager. I only know that we have a mighty weapon in prayer and that God is faithful. Walking the road of parent is the most difficult yet rewarding journey I’ve ever walked. And I have the gray hairs to show for it!

I know one day my daughter will walk into her future with the strength of God to guide her. The struggles of her past will be part of the foundation God has built to equip her for whatever place of service He is designing for her right now. And I’ll be right there, praying for her still, and praising God for the outcome.

Praying and believing,
Dineen

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Our son has a loose tooth.  Having this new loose tooth that gets looser by the day is a new experience for him.  And it worries him.  He shared his worries with me after school.   He is worried it will hurt when it comes out, worried about the blood (he can’t stand the sight of by blood), and worried it will just fall out randomly or even that all his teeth will fall out.   I tried to reassure him and offer him some comfort about this part of life by sharing my own teeth experiences with him and praying for him to have peace about it.   

Talking with him at a time when he feels nervous and afraid reminded me of my own worries I have faced through my growing up years. I can remember specific worries I have had…  like worries in middle school about how to handle a situation with girls who were bullies, in high school that I would fall down the steps with my lunch tray, and in college to be leaving home and being on my own for the first time.  Looking back these seem so trivial, but at the time they were such big deals.  And as we become adults, we face a whole new set of experiences that can cause worry….from finding a job, paying student loans, or planning a wedding to raising teenagers, dealing with aging parents, or losing a spouse.  Because of the unknown, each of these situations can cause worries to arise in our hearts.    

As I sat with my son and tried to reassure him about his tooth, I wanted him to know that it was okay for him to feel unsure about the unknown.  I didn’t want to laugh at him or make it seem like it was no big deal because to him it is a really big deal.  I just wanted to help ease his worries since I have been through loose teeth and other worries about growing up myself.      

God is the same way with His children.  Last week I saw a bird hopping around in the snow, pecking at the ground trying to find some food.  I thought if God cares about that little bird, how much more does He care for me and you?

“Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?”  Matthew 6:26 

He doesn’t want us to carry around our worries thinking that they are too small and insignificant to matter to Him; He wants us to give them to Him because He is concerned about the smallest details of our lives.  

Isn’t it comforting that we have a God who loves us and cares about every detail of our lives as we grow up?  You’re probably not worried about loose teeth, but whatever it is, remember that it matters to God.  He cares for you.
 
 

“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”  I Peter 5:7

Have a day of blessings!

This week, I am rushing around the house, getting things ready for my son’s big day. That’s right, my youngest son is getting married tomorrow! Not only is he getting married…but he is marrying one of our own LWG writers…that’s right, Krista Moody is going to be Krista Adams in just 24 hours!

My hands have been busy getting the last minute things ready for the rehearsal dinner, but my heart and my mind have been racing back in time. As I look across the room at my 20 year old son, who has become a man, my mind races back to when he was just a child. The memories of the little league games, the camping trips and the times that he would come in the house from playing to present me with a most beautiful flower…a dying dandelion weed!

The collage of memories just can’t fade from my mind. The birthday cakes that I have baked for him. The many band aids that I have applied to scraped knees. The numerous bedtime stories, especially “Horton the Elephant!” The teacher/parent conferences at school. His prom. His graduation. The day we packed him up to leave for college.

In all of it, I played the leading role in his life as his mother. The one he came running to when he was sad, mad or hurt. This was my job all throughout his growing up years. But now he is grown up and it is now time for me to pass along the leading role to a different leading lady in his life.

Tomorrow, as I pin on his corsage to his tuxedo, no doubt one of my final words to him will be, “Are you ready?” and I know he will say, “Yes I am”. He will stand there, watching his bride walk down the aisle to meet him, he will take her by the hands and promise to love and cherish her forever. As he slips the golden ring on her finger, his heart will be knit to hers as one. He is ready. The question is, “am I?”

God’s Word says “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24)

Am I ready to hand off the role of leading lady to another? I am. My purpose and time of being his caretaker is done. It is now time for my role to be something different. It’s not a “bad” different, it is just different. It is a new chapter of our lives, one that I embrace with love and joy.

Tomorrow, before he walks that aisle and he tells me that he is ready for this change…would it be alright though if I ask him for just one more hug?

This is my 3rd son to get married, and for you Mom’s out there that are getting ready to go thru this, I would like to say that even though it is a bittersweet moment, a moment full of joy but yet sadness, I promise you, that God will carry you thru. Your relationship with your son (or daughter) does not end at the marriage ceremony, it only begins, except instead of loving a son, you know have the privelege of loving a son and a new daughter! Rejoice!

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