Laced With Grace

January 12, 2003

I remember the day so clearly. I was a little over 10 weeks pregnant with our first child. It was a Sunday, and we were at a fellowship lunch after morning church services. I went to the bathroom and was shocked to see I was spotting. I remember the fear I felt and how I tried to stay calm, how I told myself it’s okay, it’s probably nothing. I told my husband, and we quickly finished eating and went home. I called my Mom and tried to search online for answers. I just wanted to crawl in bed and make it all go away. I prayed over and over that everything was fine and that the spotting was just nothing. I was so scared though. I stayed in bed most of the day, and my Mom came to visit, to be supportive and give us a hug. My heart hurt as we prayed and hoped our baby was okay.

The next morning my husband took me to the local emergency room. I don’t know why I didn’t go see my regular doctor, but there I was feeling so sad and scared, not really wanting to find out what was wrong but at the same time needing to know. My heart hurt as we went through the examination and the ultrasound, followed by the news that we had lost our baby. I was having a miscarriage. I lay on the table crying as my husband stepped out of the room to call to tell the sad news to my Mom.

I remember in the following days just feeling as if I was just going through the motions of life. My Mom stayed with me a few days while I recovered physically. I dreaded going back to my classroom. I remember when I did go back how it felt so foreign. My world as I knew it had stopped for four days, and now here I was back in the classroom where I was supposed to act normal and go on with my life. Nothing was the same for me though. I didn’t know how to go on at first.

Nine years ago. So much has happened in that time, and I still sometimes will wonder about that baby. I have always felt that God had a reason and a purpose, just like He does with everything we go through. Up until that point I had never been through such a loss in my life. I had no idea the pain that can be associated with a miscarriage and didn’t really know that many women who had faced a loss. Now when I hear of someone who lost a baby my heart hurts for them, and I’m taken back to that time nine years ago.

I am thankful for how God used those 10 short weeks with our baby to change my heart forever. Through our loss, God taught me to depend on Him. I learned some things that are not appropriate or beneficial to say to someone who is hurting. I learned that carefully chosen caring words are so helpful. I learned how much it means to get a kind note or email, even months down the road. I learned that you never know what someone is going through or what kind of day they are having.

God used our loss to help change my heart to be more compassionate for the hurting. It is my prayer that I can offer comfort to others who are hurting in their lives whether it be due to miscarriage or something else.

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 5 For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-5

Have a day of blessings!

The New Year comes with a mix of emotions for me. I lost a cousin who was more like a sibling and my last remaining great grandparent, but I also saw God’s Word come to life at my fingertips, had the awesome opportunity to teach a Bible study with a Pastor I love and respect, attended a Christian writing and speaking conference in the heat of North Carolina and made some new friends. If I were forced to describe 2011 with one word, it would be bittersweet.

Not very Christian, right?

I know. I know, joy in all circumstances.

“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds.” – James 1:2 (ESV)

So maybe joy should have been my word for 2011. Unfortunately, that would have been a lie. While God was gracious enough to give me peace in the passing of two relatives that I lived with as a child, there was still sorrow in the loss. Sorrow for the mother that lost a mother and a child in less than a month. Sorrow for our family that had already lost so many relatives to cancer. But mostly, sorrow that I was not confident that each and every member of my family knows Jesus as their Lord and Savior.

So, this year, I prayed for a word before life – circumstances – my own frailty and weaknesses – determine it for me. I’ve seen many a Christian friend posting their words on Facebook and their blogs and there is a joy that comes with seeing God answer their prayers.

But, as I prayed about this “word” I wanted from God, I was reminded that He has given me many over my short life as a Christ follower. He has given me “special” when I felt “different,” “peace” when I felt “chaos” from the world, and “world changer” when I felt there was nothing He could use me for. He reminded me that His Word is in me, with me in His Spirit, available to guide me and give me comfort. He reminded me that He left us all the Spirit of the Word of God – of Christ Himself as the Holy Spirit is ever present in our lives. And He reminded me that His Word, the Bible, is there for me, with the right words for anything this world can dish out.

And that gave me hope.

“And now, O Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in you.” – Psalm 39:7 (ESV)

My hope is in Christ.

Hope for a lost world. Hope for all my family members to come to know Christ. Hope that I will be a more vocal witness to them and to the ends of the world.

“Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of age.” – Matthew 28: 19-20 (NIV)

I leave you with this thought:

What else matters but the salvation of the world? What else matters but that we have everlasting life? Nothing here – not food, not shelter, not wealth, not what we conceive as beauty – is more important than the life yet to come in Christ… both here and in eternity.

In that, I find hope. Where does your hope lie?

Today I have a question for you. During this busy time of year, what fruit are you displaying in your life?

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Galatians 5:22, 23

I was out doing some errands and shopping this week. As I look back on my busy day, it is easy to think of examples of times when one could become aggravated, annoyed, unhappy, etc. Lines are longer than usual. Parking lots are fuller than on normal weekdays. All of the shopping carts are taken. Stores are overcrowded with extra gift displays making it hard to maneuver through the aisles. Kids are whining and past ready to go home.

Is it easy to be joyful when you find a parking spot only to have someone else turn and get that spot ahead of you? Is it easy to be patient when there are only two registers open and five people standing in line at each one? Is it easy to be loving to the fellow shoppers who are rude and impatient?

Remember that we can’t be different on our own. On our own we will grumble, complain, and gripe just like everyone else. If we act just like all the other shoppers, what kind of example are we setting?  There are so many opportunities for us to shine for Jesus during the Christmas season.  It is only by the Spirit living in us that these fruit will become evident.  What better time than at Christmas to share His love, joy, and peace with those around us!

I encourage you to check your attitude often (both when you are out shopping AND when you are at home with your family). What fruit are you displaying this Christmas?

Merry Christmas!  Have a day of blessings!