Staying in a comfort zone is easy for me but ever so often God allows me to meet up with people who encourage me to go beyond my comfort zone.  One such person is our dear Iris.  I think it was about six years ago that I met Iris.  I don’t know if she visited my blog first or I visited hers but I know that over the years I’ve known her she has been such an encourager.

I remember her encouraging me to join the Christian Women’s blog ring, to participate in different memes like, In Other Words and to share my writing more.  She especially encouraged me with my poetry.  Poetry is my choice writing form to record the highs and lows of life so it’s always more difficult to share than any other writings.  However whenever I would share a poem on my blog there always seem to be a beautiful comment, like the one below, from Iris shortly after…(Hope you don’t mind me sharing my friend)

Your poems are always beautiful, Bernadine. You should really put them together in a book

Then in 2007 after knowing me for a relatively short time she gave me an opportunity to write for Laced With Grace.  This again pushed me beyond my comfort zone of mainly writing for a teen girl audience.  I never thought I’d last this long at it but somehow, even though I neglect my own blog for long periods of time when the LWG schedule comes out, I find myself in front of the computer asking God to give me something to share because I don’t want to disappoint someone who has been such a blessing in my life.

I had no real plan to write about Iris when I sat down however, what better place to honor someone I respect so much than on the platform she gave me access to, a place that brings women of all ages and stages in life together for a common purpose to encourage each other in the Lord.

Give, and you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full—pressed down, shaken together to make room for more,
running over, and poured into your lap. The amount you give will determine the amount you get back.  Luke 6:38 (NLT)

Dear Iris, you have given generously from the heart to others, to encourage them in ministry and in life.  I pray in the words of the scripture above that when you need it most your gift (of encouragement) will return to you.  May God bless you and keep you as you continue to do His Work.

Then all of a sudden in my email I received hope. I was so excited all my issues were being addressed.

Seen a picture of yourself and been surprised at how you look? Yes! Watched yourself on video and realized you really do look bigger than in person. Yes. Tired of trying and failing. Kinda I hadn’t tried too hard but still.

Shapewear can change all of that! Shapewear is “designed to hold a part of the body in a particular form”. Sounding good so far. Prices are reasonable and what could it hurt to try? I marched myself over to TG Maxx. I wore a shirt that I had noticed the dreaded muffin top in and a pair of jeans that bordered on too tight. I tried the Shapewear on and it worked!!

My waist looked smaller, my jeans zipped just perfect all for the reasonable price of $24.99. I walked out feeling happy!

I didn’t buy it to wear every day, just on those occasions where I might need a little extra help. Two weeks went by. Two weeks where I didn’t worry about what I was eating, I didn’t even let the thought cross my mind that water would be a better choice than coke. No need to walk, I now owned Shapewear!

I started telling friends, you need to get this, it is wonderful!

During the two weeks, I never put the thing on. Remember, it’s for “special occasions”. Sunday night comes, which was a special occasion. As I’m putting it on, I started thinking “this is harder to put on than I remember”.

Walking out the door my waist was smoother but I didn’t quite feel right. The top of the crazy thing was like acting weird. You know cutting into my shoulders and instead of a muffin top I had something going on in other places.

When I got home, I finally had to admit I had out grown my Shapewear. It was still doing the job, shaping my waist but all the “extra” was being moved somewhere else…and was as noticeable as the initial trouble. Now, I just had two areas to work with.

I’m ashamed to say my first thought was…”wonder if they have a full body one”.

I was sharing this with my friend, Laura yesterday, and after she quit laughing, she made a great connection. We do the same thing with sin in our lives. I started thinking about how many times God had shown me an area that was sin. Sometimes, it seems easier to try to shape the area instead of dealing with it.

Doesn’t quite work does it?

Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death. James 1:15

Dealing with our stuff is hard work but it’s got to be better than Shapewear!

I remember the day so clearly. I was a little over 10 weeks pregnant with our first child. It was a Sunday, and we were at a fellowship lunch after morning church services. I went to the bathroom and was shocked to see I was spotting. I remember the fear I felt and how I tried to stay calm, how I told myself it’s okay, it’s probably nothing. I told my husband, and we quickly finished eating and went home. I called my Mom and tried to search online for answers. I just wanted to crawl in bed and make it all go away. I prayed over and over that everything was fine and that the spotting was just nothing. I was so scared though. I stayed in bed most of the day, and my Mom came to visit, to be supportive and give us a hug. My heart hurt as we prayed and hoped our baby was okay.

The next morning my husband took me to the local emergency room. I don’t know why I didn’t go see my regular doctor, but there I was feeling so sad and scared, not really wanting to find out what was wrong but at the same time needing to know. My heart hurt as we went through the examination and the ultrasound, followed by the news that we had lost our baby. I was having a miscarriage. I lay on the table crying as my husband stepped out of the room to call to tell the sad news to my Mom.

I remember in the following days just feeling as if I was just going through the motions of life. My Mom stayed with me a few days while I recovered physically. I dreaded going back to my classroom. I remember when I did go back how it felt so foreign. My world as I knew it had stopped for four days, and now here I was back in the classroom where I was supposed to act normal and go on with my life. Nothing was the same for me though. I didn’t know how to go on at first.

Nine years ago. So much has happened in that time, and I still sometimes will wonder about that baby. I have always felt that God had a reason and a purpose, just like He does with everything we go through. Up until that point I had never been through such a loss in my life. I had no idea the pain that can be associated with a miscarriage and didn’t really know that many women who had faced a loss. Now when I hear of someone who lost a baby my heart hurts for them, and I’m taken back to that time nine years ago.

I am thankful for how God used those 10 short weeks with our baby to change my heart forever. Through our loss, God taught me to depend on Him. I learned some things that are not appropriate or beneficial to say to someone who is hurting. I learned that carefully chosen caring words are so helpful. I learned how much it means to get a kind note or email, even months down the road. I learned that you never know what someone is going through or what kind of day they are having.

God used our loss to help change my heart to be more compassionate for the hurting. It is my prayer that I can offer comfort to others who are hurting in their lives whether it be due to miscarriage or something else.

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 5 For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-5

Have a day of blessings!