Hanging Our Christianity Out to Dry
There’s at least two sides to every conflict. But seated deep within either side of the conflict is the actual heart of the conflict.
Have you ever said any of these phrases:
“I’ve got my rights!”
“I’ve been robbed! That should’ve been mine!”
“I don’t have to take that from you!”
“It’s my way or the highway!”
“I’ll sue!”
Overused words of our overkill, me-ism society. I’m not being naive or blind. I know that at times we need either the law to protect us or have reason to complain, and occasionally the wrong must be exposed.
But the way we go about it, the spirit with which we handle our conflicts, the attitudes we exhibit while working through the process of reconciliation are crucial. That’s where our Christianity is hung out to dry. And that is where we have an opportunity to exhibit the astounding grace of God.
When we understand our hearts, we see the cravings that are underneath every conflict.
“What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don’t get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight.” James 4:1,2
It’s important to get beyond the surface and get to the heart – the “why” behind your side of the conflict. When you get down to the why, you usually see you wanted something so much that it lead to conflict.
Cravings are “idols” or mini-gods” — things other than God that we set our hearts on, let rule us, things that we trust…fear…or serve to make us happy or secure.
How do you handle conflict? Do you use escape responses such as flee from it or deny it? Maybe you use attack responses and blame the other person and/or assault them verbally. These responses do nothing more than polarize the conflict even more.
There’s another way, that of a Peacemaker.
Blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be called sons of God. ~ Matthew 5:9
Four Principles of Peacemaking
- Go to Higher Ground – Glorify God (1 Corinthians 10:31) Remember what is most important during a conflict.See conflict as an opportunity to grow and serve others. Live out your highest values and beliefs in the midst of conflict. Christians should ask, “How can I please and honor God in this conflict?” and “How can I show the same love and mercy that God has shown me?”
- Get Real About Yourself – Get the Log Out of Your Own Eye (Matthew 7:3-5) Take responsibility for your contribution to a conflict.Focus first on your own attitudes, words, and actions. Check your heart for any idols (desires turned into demands). Then confess your part humbly and thoroughly.
- Gently Engage Others – Gently Restore (Galatians 6:1) Help others see how they have contributed to a conflict.It’s important to overlook minor offenses. Everything doesn’t need to be made out to be a conflict. But when you do go to the person, go with an attitude of love and concern for the other person. Talk privately first, and then if it’s necessary, get help.
- Get Together on Lasting Solutions – Go and Be Reconciled (Matthew 5:23,24) The goal is to strengthen relationships through genuine reconciliation and agreement.Look out for the interests of others. Forgive the same way you have been forgiven. Keep doing what is right, regardless of what the other person does.
Our neighbors, friends, family, and colleagues are watching and they’re fast to criticize Christians. Sometimes rightfully so. Let’s strive to demonstrate to the watching world the Gospel of Peace in action.
For more information on restoring relationships and resolving conflict, visit http://www.peacemaker.net
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Amen! Beautifully said, Marsha.
Thank you, Bernadine. To God be the glory.
Pure gold, your advice is, Marsha! Pure gold.
Thank you, Mary. Now if we could all live at peace as peacemakers, what a difference we could make in this world for the Kingdom of God.
What a great reminder to seek peacekeeping in conflicts. It is true; if we start demanding things, it can get ugly.