Prone to Wander
“There is a way that seems right to a man and appears straight before him, but at the end of it is the way of death.” Proverbs 16:25
The morning light shone around the edges of the blinds. I closed my eyes, pulled the covers up to my chin and settled into the warmth for just a few more minutes. From the edge of sleep I heard it – a soft banging coming from the living room. I opened my eyes, wide awake now, and listened. All was quiet.
Then it came again. Bang, bang, bang. And suddenly I knew exactly what it was. The little barn swallow was flying against the window – again. I had seen it before – the flutter of wings, the dive into the window, and the falling. Over and over again in a desperate attempt to get past the glass barrier. I threw back the covers – anxious to get there before he killed himself. By the time I got to the living room, he had given up and flown away.
Why does he do it, I wondered. You would thing after the first slam into the unforgiving glass he would realize his mistake and fly away. Why this persistence to do the very thing that is undoubtedly painful? Didn’t he have sense enough to realize his behavior could some day kill him?
I thought about it as I started making breakfast – felt that little nudge in my spirit.
Yes, Lord, I see the analogy. I’m so much like that poor little bird. There are things in my life I know are not good and certainly not Your best for me. Yet I persist in doing them anyway. It stings a little the first time, so I promise to stop. But before I know it, I fall right back into the same old pattern. It hurts a bit more every time. How You must long to rescue me from myself – to keep me from real harm.
Thank You that in Jesus You’ve done exactly that.
Blessings,
Linda
Oh Linda, this is so true. Some things I keep doing, even though I know it is not good for me. Thank you for the reminder that when doing things my own way, not waiting for God, it sometimes does not turn out well.
I found myself with similar thoughts when I woke in the wee hours … about those harmful, hateful, foolish things we do again and again. About the many promises to self (and God) to “stop,” yet falling back “into the same old pattern.” “It hurts a little bit more every time,” you write. And yes, it does. Or, it used to.
But this morning I realized, with a chill, that it doesn’t hurt as much any more. The sorrow isn’t as deep – or as real, the shame, guilt, … none of it stings as once did – and that frightens me. Am I giving up? giving in? or giving over? (Or, most terrifying thought – being given over?!)
I might have let these questions fade as the day rises, but thanks to this post and your faithfulness to share such things I will ponder them, and pray about them. Thank you.