As I laid my head on the pillow at night, the tears began to flow. Did I even tell my children that I love them today? Did they hear anything but yelling from me throughout the day? Sure they were acting up and pulling on my last nerve, but do they know I love them?
“Father please raise the boys I have into Godly men despite my efforts” became the prayer I prayed more times than I care to admit. So many times I wanted to tell the Lord ‘here is my mommy badge, I am messing these kids up.’ There are so many mothers who are better, more patient, smarter, and have well behaved kids. Father what were you thinking when you gave blessed me with three boys? I am a girly girl who likes girl stuff. And not only did you give me all boys but you moved me clear across the United States from all my support. Father you are making me do all this on my own!!
Why do you give your sons more honor than you give me? God asked in 1 Samuel 2:29.
Yes I was without my support and truth be told if I was near my family I fear I would have relied on my parents more than I should have. Each day I “served” my husband and boys until I had nothing left of me, no identity of who I was. I woke up each morning and served them again; poured out all I had.
The Lord had to remove me from all that was familiar and I had to come to the end of myself where I knew I was not the wife I should be, and not the mother I thought I would be. Despite all I did, all the serving I poured out, I was failing.
Why do we as mothers choose to be exhausted rather than allow God to refresh us? It was not until I cried out to God yelling ‘I can’t do this anymore, you are asking too much of me’ then God showed up and said….”EXACTLY!”
God spoke to me and said:
Why are you putting others first?
Why do you labor for your family and give them all you have and I have nothing?
Why do you turn to everyone else for help before you turn to me?
Why have I only become your SOS God?
It was then that I broke down in sobs, with my face to the floor and said I can not do this anymore….without you. I am not a good Mom without you Lord. I am not a good wife without you Lord. Sure I can exist on autopilot and serve my family, do what needs to be done, but that is not the way Christ has called me to live.
I say this gently but anything you put before God is your idol, even your family. This mother’s day I pray you can rest and reflect. So many of us give and give and give until we have nothing left inside of us.
The secret is that God keeps us filled up as long as we place him first in our life.
As my boys are now teens and we are getting into a very busy season in our lives I am still constantly reminded that God needs to come before all I do for my family! Sure I still struggle being a ‘do-er,’ but God only has to remind me of what it feels like when he is not first above all….even my family.
Heavenly Father, thank you teaching this mother that I am nothing without you. I have often felt like I failed this job called “motherhood” more times than I care to admit, but in the end you were actually teaching me, stretching me, and molding me into the Godly mother/wife you have called me to be. I don’t have everything figured out, I still fail in this area, but I know you are there to pick me up, dust me off and refresh me once again. Father I lift up all the single mothers today may you give them an extra dose of patience, may you pour down your comfort and blessings upon them today. Amen!
