Laced With Grace

For the last couple of years, we have made a conscience effort at our home to eat in a healthy, balanced way.  Although we are BIG into treats,  and try never to become legalistic with our eating habits (can you say Coldstone’s???), we try to eat lots of fruits, veggies, whole grains, and nuts as our staple foods.

When my husband and I took a trip to Miami last spring (can you say SWIMSUIT????), I was much more careful with what went into my mouth!  I ate only veggies, fruits, and nuts.  Everyday I had a fresh spinach salad full of  raw, sliced vegetables.  The salads were beautiful to look at and delicious to eat.  I got to the point that I didn’t even care for dressing- just a little lemon juice splashed on top.  The funny thing was, the more I ate these spinach salads, the more my body craved them.  Salads from restaurants, with iceberg lettuce, lots of cheese and loaded with heavy ranch dressing, usually my favorite menu item, became repulsive.

Another strange thing began to happen to my eating habits.  Normally an avid dessert eater, I avoided sugar until my trip.  And, the strange thing was, the longer I fasted from sugar, the less I craved it!  Saying “no” to sweets eventually became easy (definitely NOT normal for me!).

After a couple of months eating this way, I was so excited when our big trip finally arrived.  I thought I would have so much FUN eating all of the foods I had been “denying” myself.  Funny things was, when I finally DID eat the juicy steak, scrumptious cake, and all of the goodies, what I really was craving was my homemade spinach salad.

There were definite benefits when I changed my eating habits.

I lost a lot of weight!

I had so much ENERGY.

I felt GREAT!

My body, once purged of all the “bad” food wanted the “clean” food.  It craved the healthy food.  Once I had gotten rid of all the “junk” food from my diet, I no longer wanted it.  My body was functioning GREAT.

But, then…..Father’s Day arrived and with it, a new grill for my husband.  It was a new “toy” and Brian starting cooking on it DAILY.

We immediately became CARNIVORES….eating LOTS of meat- hamburgers, hot dogs, ribs…..  And, for some reason, chip and dip, breads, and desserts just seemed to go so well with the meat.  Even though I continued to prepare the salad, we began eating less and less of it.

After a few weeks of eating this way, I began noticing a few things.

I was CRAVING sugar again.

I was feeling tired and cranky at times.

I gained back weight!

This didn’t happen immediately, but little by little.  But, before I knew it, I really didn’t “want” the salad any longer.  It just didn’t “look” good anymore.  I really just wanted to eat chip and dip and brownies!  The more I gave in to the cravings, the more I craved the junk.

Interestingly, the same thing was happening to me spiritually.

I had been getting up and spending time with God.  My mind was being renewed and His Living Water was refreshing my soul.  I was CRAVING God, wanting more and more of Him and desiring to spend my time with Him.

But, little by little, I began choosing “junk”.  I overslept in the mornings, making for just “snippets” of quiet time with God, not really quality chunks of time alone with Him.  We were traveling often and missing church weeks at a time.  I wasn’t keeping up with my Bible Study.  Before long, I found it easier to turn on the TV and “veg out” instead of spending time with God.  Picking up a magazine, flipping through and reading it seemed “more fun” than reading my Bible.  Just like junk food became easier to choose, junk “activity” became easier to do.  I began filling up on the “world”, instead of drinking in the life-giving Presence of God!

And, after a few weeks of living this way, I began noticing a few things.

My soul felt downcast.

I was cranky.

My mouth “got me into trouble,” and I don’t mean with eating!

But, most of all, I just felt “off”……something was wrong.

I missed God!

And, for some reason, it seems harder, both with eating and spiritually, to “get back on track” then to “fall off the wagon”!  But, thankfully, God is  patient, loving, merciful, and forgiving!  He LONGS for us to come back and drink Him in!  He misses us even more than we miss Him.  All we need to do is turn to Him and tell Him we need Him.  He waits with arms open wide.

“O God, You are my God, earnestly I seek You.  My soul thirst for You, my body longs for You, in a dry and weary land where there is no water……Because Your love is better than life, my lips will glorify You….My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise You.”  Psalm 63:1-5

¹³ For You formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them.

¹⁷ How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
How great is the sum of them!
¹⁸ If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand;
When I awake, I am still with You.  Psalm 139:13-18 (NKJV)

The other evening I was scanning the channels on our TV to see if there was anything interesting to watch.   I suddenly stopped scanning when a show caught my eye.  I heard part of a conversation of two young ladies.  One of the young ladies told the other that for her birthday she was going to buy her breast implants because – “ It will make her feel better about herself and bring her more confidence.”   The other girl squealed in total excitement, “My life will be so much better!”

How sad is that?  To think that changing one’s appearance in hope that it will make one feel better as well as her life will be much better!   It’s so disturbing to think that thousands of young ladies might have heard this conversation and wonder if they changed something about themselves that it will make their life better.

Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong about changing your appearance especially if one is overweight and needs to lose a few pounds or more.  We all know that being overweight is hard on our bodies and not healthy.   What disturbed me was that they believe changing oneself on the outside would make life better for them.  I don’t fault these young ladies at all – let’s face it – we see these messages all the time on TV, movies, magazines etc….   If you are skinny enough, cute enough, tall enough, and rich enough, etc… you will be popular and successful in life.  They do not understand that one can change everything external about them but if they do not make the right changes within themselves it will all be totally superficial!

How heartrending that they do not realize that God made them and loves them just the way He created them.  Too many people think that if they change the outside it is what they need when actually it’s the inside – their heart – that needs to be changed – to be right with the Lord!

³ Don’t put your confidence in powerful people;
there is no help for you there.
⁴ When they breathe their last, they return to the earth,
and all their plans die with them.
⁵ But joyful are those who have the God of Israel as their helper,
whose hope is in the Lord their God.   Psalm 146:3-5 (NLT)

Dear Lord may we as mothers, grandmothers, sisters, aunts and friends teach our young girls the meaning of true beauty and true happiness.  May we set an example for all young ladies we come in contact with each day.  May we not be so obsessed about our “outside” shell that we too send the wrong message to our young ladies.  May we be examples of true beauty – life in Christ.  In Jesus precious name, amen.

…it will be established forever like the moon, the faithful witness in the sky.

–Psalm 89:37

I once had a dream that carried me back to my childhood. My two brothers and my sister were there. The baby was missing—having not yet been born. We were riding in the old yellow school bus. So much of our lives happened on that school bus it seemed. The trip up the winding “holler” seemed hours long. Lifelong friendships were established on that bus…pecking order rules created…first kisses given and taken…secret crushes revealed…

But none of these things were present on the bus in my dream. Only my brothers and sister and I. We were sitting close and smiling. I knew from the easy way we were with one another that this bus ride was before my parents’ divorce. This was from the time when our hearts were still the hearts of children, from the happy innocent time before our home was torn apart. We were laughing and though I could not tell what we were saying, I knew that this is how it should be with brothers and sisters: open and trusting, believing that our thoughts and words were safe to hand one another. And in the dream I was happy.

When I awoke the feeling remained with me for a time. But there was something else there as well: grief.

The brokenness between us all began not too long after that school bus ride. And though the years have plodded on and we love each other very much, we are all missing something. The dream served to remind me of the tenderhearted trust that we once shared. The trust that came from bearing one another’s burdens through anything. How my heart still grieves that loss at times.

We used to all four pick a star on our way home from church. We would lay in the back of the family station wagon, side by side and follow the bright light of our chosen beacon home. Invariably–when we arrived at our destination, past bedtime, longing for the clean sheets to slide between–invariably, we would find that we had followed the very same star home. All four of us.

That was how I wanted it to stay forever: so that even our chosen stars would be the same. I still wonder at times how it would be if we were still following the same stars instead of looking out from different universes. For that is how it is now. We all grew up and apart, carefully guarding our hearts from further damage. In the process we lost one another somehow.

When I find my thoughts settling too much on melancholy times, I try to remember the faithful witness in the sky. No, I am not talking about the moon, but of The One who sees and knows all. Psalm 56:8 tells us He catches our tears in his wineskin; that He records our laments in His scroll. He witnessed my wounded heart during that time and in the broken years that followed. Indeed, when I look back in faithfulness, I see how He used that sorrow to draw me close to Him.

There are some things we will never understand, Beloved. But when you look back, look back in faith. Consider how He worked in you. When you look for Him, Dear One, you will find Him. He was always there, catching your tears before they could fall to the ground.

photo by Talke Photography, flickr creative commons.