Laced With Grace

January 12, 2003

I remember the day so clearly. I was a little over 10 weeks pregnant with our first child. It was a Sunday, and we were at a fellowship lunch after morning church services. I went to the bathroom and was shocked to see I was spotting. I remember the fear I felt and how I tried to stay calm, how I told myself it’s okay, it’s probably nothing. I told my husband, and we quickly finished eating and went home. I called my Mom and tried to search online for answers. I just wanted to crawl in bed and make it all go away. I prayed over and over that everything was fine and that the spotting was just nothing. I was so scared though. I stayed in bed most of the day, and my Mom came to visit, to be supportive and give us a hug. My heart hurt as we prayed and hoped our baby was okay.

The next morning my husband took me to the local emergency room. I don’t know why I didn’t go see my regular doctor, but there I was feeling so sad and scared, not really wanting to find out what was wrong but at the same time needing to know. My heart hurt as we went through the examination and the ultrasound, followed by the news that we had lost our baby. I was having a miscarriage. I lay on the table crying as my husband stepped out of the room to call to tell the sad news to my Mom.

I remember in the following days just feeling as if I was just going through the motions of life. My Mom stayed with me a few days while I recovered physically. I dreaded going back to my classroom. I remember when I did go back how it felt so foreign. My world as I knew it had stopped for four days, and now here I was back in the classroom where I was supposed to act normal and go on with my life. Nothing was the same for me though. I didn’t know how to go on at first.

Nine years ago. So much has happened in that time, and I still sometimes will wonder about that baby. I have always felt that God had a reason and a purpose, just like He does with everything we go through. Up until that point I had never been through such a loss in my life. I had no idea the pain that can be associated with a miscarriage and didn’t really know that many women who had faced a loss. Now when I hear of someone who lost a baby my heart hurts for them, and I’m taken back to that time nine years ago.

I am thankful for how God used those 10 short weeks with our baby to change my heart forever. Through our loss, God taught me to depend on Him. I learned some things that are not appropriate or beneficial to say to someone who is hurting. I learned that carefully chosen caring words are so helpful. I learned how much it means to get a kind note or email, even months down the road. I learned that you never know what someone is going through or what kind of day they are having.

God used our loss to help change my heart to be more compassionate for the hurting. It is my prayer that I can offer comfort to others who are hurting in their lives whether it be due to miscarriage or something else.

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 5 For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-5

Have a day of blessings!

Raising teens today is a huge challenge. I can already tell there are bobbing heads out there, agreeing with that statement. With regards to my own struggling teen, I’ve come in contact with so many other moms out there, dealing with some pretty heavy-duty issues with their teenagers.

In just the last week, I spoke with a friend who’s daughter is battling anxiety issues, just like my own sweet girl. How do we ride these choppy waters and navigate our teens into a place of functioning and thriving adulthood?

I will honestly confess I don’t have any fix all cure or THE ANSWER to solve any situation. Through the ongoing issues of cancer recovery, stress, depression, ongoing health issues, and anxiety that my own daughter has gone and is going through, I’ve found some comfort is four simple areas:

1. You’re not responsible. This was a hard one for me to finally come to grips with. I didn’t cause my daughter’s cancer. There’s nothing I could have done to prevent it or ongoing health issues and anxiety that she’s now going through. I can’t fix it, nor should I hold myself responsible for the outcome. I do what I can for my daughter, then have to leave the rest in God’s hands and TRUST Him for the outcome.

2. Live in the moment. When we first got my daughter’s cancer diagnosis, this lesson hit hard and fast. Life became consumed with doctor appointments, surgery and treatments. I will tell you, I’m so grateful for that because that was just the beginning of what my daughter face. That lesson is what keeps my sane some days because I don’t let the bad moments define all the others. There are precious moments of love and closeness in every day. Grab and appreciate them. They are the inspiration and fuel to keep going some days.

3. Learn to listen. Again, a big lesson for me, especially since I’ve always considered myself a good listener. I am, but when I’m in mommy mode, I want to fix things. I finally learned that a lot of the time, our teens just want us to listen and really HEAR them. This takes practice but it’s vital. Our teens don’t want us to “fix” them. A lot of the time they will come to the right place, but they need us to hear them out. As adults, many of us know we sometimes need to say what we’re struggling with out loud to make sense of it all. Our teenagers need that too. There will be times that we will need to say something, get directly involved, or take action, but most of the time, they just want to know you care and listening is a huge way to show it.

4. Pray like crazy and don’t stop. I confess it’s a challenge, especially when my heart is breaking to see her sadness and frustration that she can’t be “normal.” I have prayed the heavens around this kid over and over again, and I won’t stop until she walks into the healing and future God has told me is hers. And yes, it’s hard when you see them take a couple steps forward and then fall back three steps. Will it ever change? Will this person I’ve worked so hard to raise into adulthood walk into that role with confidence and strength?

Pray, pray, pray. God is faithful. I cling to this truth, because He’s proven it to me time after time. My challenge is not to let my impatience get in the way. Again, trusting God is vital here. He knows our kids. He knows our mother’s heart for them. He’s their Father, Brother, Friend, and hopefully Savior. God can take care of whatever is going on. It may not turn out the way we imagined, but I can guarantee you that it will be the best possible outcome and result for our teenager.

Like I said, I have no clear-cut answers to raising a teenager with issues—to raising any teenager. I only know that we have a mighty weapon in prayer and that God is faithful. Walking the road of parent is the most difficult yet rewarding journey I’ve ever walked. And I have the gray hairs to show for it!

I know one day my daughter will walk into her future with the strength of God to guide her. The struggles of her past will be part of the foundation God has built to equip her for whatever place of service He is designing for her right now. And I’ll be right there, praying for her still, and praising God for the outcome.

Praying and believing,
Dineen

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Our son has a loose tooth.  Having this new loose tooth that gets looser by the day is a new experience for him.  And it worries him.  He shared his worries with me after school.   He is worried it will hurt when it comes out, worried about the blood (he can’t stand the sight of by blood), and worried it will just fall out randomly or even that all his teeth will fall out.   I tried to reassure him and offer him some comfort about this part of life by sharing my own teeth experiences with him and praying for him to have peace about it.   

Talking with him at a time when he feels nervous and afraid reminded me of my own worries I have faced through my growing up years. I can remember specific worries I have had…  like worries in middle school about how to handle a situation with girls who were bullies, in high school that I would fall down the steps with my lunch tray, and in college to be leaving home and being on my own for the first time.  Looking back these seem so trivial, but at the time they were such big deals.  And as we become adults, we face a whole new set of experiences that can cause worry….from finding a job, paying student loans, or planning a wedding to raising teenagers, dealing with aging parents, or losing a spouse.  Because of the unknown, each of these situations can cause worries to arise in our hearts.    

As I sat with my son and tried to reassure him about his tooth, I wanted him to know that it was okay for him to feel unsure about the unknown.  I didn’t want to laugh at him or make it seem like it was no big deal because to him it is a really big deal.  I just wanted to help ease his worries since I have been through loose teeth and other worries about growing up myself.      

God is the same way with His children.  Last week I saw a bird hopping around in the snow, pecking at the ground trying to find some food.  I thought if God cares about that little bird, how much more does He care for me and you?

“Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?”  Matthew 6:26 

He doesn’t want us to carry around our worries thinking that they are too small and insignificant to matter to Him; He wants us to give them to Him because He is concerned about the smallest details of our lives.  

Isn’t it comforting that we have a God who loves us and cares about every detail of our lives as we grow up?  You’re probably not worried about loose teeth, but whatever it is, remember that it matters to God.  He cares for you.
 
 

“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”  I Peter 5:7

Have a day of blessings!