Laced With Grace

I sat in my bed looking at the new scooter and cane that were beside me. I waffled between screaming and crying. I wished that it were all a bad dream, but my mind could not deny the truth any longer. I had joined the ranks of the disabled. What a horrible word! As if my ineptness were not clear enough, I now must wear a tag that says, “I am not able.” Now, there is no question to anyone else who sees me. I am different; I am incomplete; I am not capable.

I hear my family in the kitchen laughing and playing together while I sit in my prison. I can no longer escape here on my own. Someone else must help me. I feel the familiar sensations coming back: insecurity, failure, rejection, depression. Over the past seven years, they have been my constant visitors. I tell them to leave, but I feel them lurking just around the corner.

But today, I have a couple of weapons that I did not have in the past. The first is an all-em-compassing faith in my Savior and Father. This year, He promised that this would be a year of healing. My first thoughts were that this was a physical healing. All the ailments that I have faced over the past years will be going away. But in His sweet, gentle way, He reminded me of verses that have been going through my mind for a few weeks now, but I could not remember the passage. Today, as I studied, my Scripture reading was Isaiah 55, and I realized that these are the words He had placed in my heart.

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts. For as the rain cometh down, and the snow from heaven, and returneth not thither, but watereth the earth, and maketh it bring forth and bud, that it may give seed to the sower, and bread to the eater: So shall my word be that goeth forth out of my mouth: it shall not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it. For ye shall go out with joy, and be led forth with peace: the mountains and the hills shall break forth before you into singing, and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands. Instead of the thorn shall come up the fir tree, and instead of the brier shall come up the myrtle tree: and it shall be to the LORD for a name, for an everlasting sign that shall not be cut off. Isaiah 55:8-13 (KJV, emphasis mine)

In my pride, I wanted a story of God’s miraculous healing; but in His grace, He wanted a story of His patient provision. In my pride, I looked for my own perfection; but in His grace, He is glorified in my imperfection.

Soon after I humbled myself and accepted that I am not in a prison but a gilded cage, my precious children came tumbling into my room. “Mommy, when we get to heaven will you still need this wheelchair? I don’t think you will because God makes everything perfect in heaven. Mommy, I sure will be glad when we get to heaven and you can run everywhere with us.”

What I viewed with disgrace and embarrassment, God used to break down my pride and humble me, turning my eyes once more to Him.

Do you have an area of pride in your life that is threatening to overtake you? What steps can you take today to turn away from the pride and let God’s glory shine through your humility?

“When we arrived in Macedonia there was no rest for us. Outside there was conflict from every direction, and inside there was fear.  But God, who encourages those who are discouraged, encouraged us by the arrival of Titus.”  2 Corinthians 7:5-6

Have you ever been so discouraged that no matter what direction you seem to turn there is some sort of conflict or trial ahead of you and all you want to do is drop to the floor and cry out, “I’m done! No more – I quite!”?  I know – I have been there more times than I would like to admit.  There are times the pain and fatigue from my chronic illness will seem more than I can bear; the furnace breaks down; a child needs something and there is no money to spare; a loved one is dying or has just passed away –  yet in all this turmoil we can take great comfort knowing that God is our Encourager!  Our Heavenly Father knows exactly what we need, when we need it, and how or who He will use to provide the encouragement we need just at the right moment.

I cannot tell you how many times I have been so discouraged, ready to give up and then I receive a note from someone either in the postal mail, email or blog, saying that they are praying for me.   Sometimes I may be perusing someone’s blog and something they wrote touches my heart or even amuses me so as to know God used this person’s words to encourage my soul.  Similar too, God brought Titus to encourage and uplift Paul; God can bring others into our lives to encourage us as well.

I recognize that Facebook and Twitter are becoming more popular and fewer people are blogging these days, but as one who desperately needs the daily encouragement that is provided from such blogs, do not become discouraged my friend when you notice that your readership is down.  Be encouraged within knowing that your words are still an encouragement to at least one person today.

As one who is an empty nester as well as home-bound much of the time due to my chronic illnesses, I can become lonely, depressed, and discouraged quite easily.  But our God in His awesome love and tender mercies uses beautiful people like my “blogging friends” to uplift and encourage my heart and soul.

So do not become discouraged, our Heavenly Father, the great Encourager will either provide you with an encourager today or use you to encourage someone in need.

Think of ways to encourage one another to outbursts of love and good deeds. Hebrews 10:24

So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing. 1 Thessalonians 5:11

“Is there no balm in Gilead?  Is there no physician there?  Why then is there no healing for the wound of my people? ” Jeremiah 8:22 NIV

There is a Balm of Gilead that has the power to save us from certain death. It can bring hope to the hopeless and healing to that which is untreatable.  It is described as a honey-like aromatic resin with medicinal qualities.

So where is this balm, this honey, this healing medicine?  For over 20 years I have searched for this healing of my chronic illnesses, seemingly in vain. My heart echoed the cry of Jeremiah “I hurt with the hurt of my people.  I mourn and am overcome with grief. Is there no medicine in Gilead?  Is there no physician there?   Why is there no healing for the wounds of my people?”  Jeremiah 8:21,22

After all these years of searching, I think I finally found the answer.

Genesis 37:25 NKJV is the first time the Bible mentions this Balm from Gilead. Joseph, the beloved son of Jacob, had been attacked by his brothers and thrown into a well. His brothers then sat down to eat as though nothing happened.  As they were eating they lifted their eyes and saw a company of Ishmaelite (Ishmael name means God will hear) who came from Gilead with their camels carrying spices, balm and myrrh to bring to the land of Egypt.

Joseph’s brothers went about their business as usual.  Ignored by his brothers, God heard Joseph’s cries for help. God sent a band of outsiders to rescue Joseph from certain death. [As the Balm passed by, Judah declared to his brothers that it would be better to sell Joseph into slavery than to kill him. Genesis 37:26,27 NKJV ] This would be the first application of the Balm of Gilead.

Our precious Lord Jesus IS the Balm of Gilead. It was He who passed with that company of Ishmaelite that redeemed Joseph from certain death. There is more to the meaning of this Balm of Gilead. We know that Jesus IS the Great Physician, and in Him there is healing for all needs; so why are there so many people not healed? Why do we read in Jeremiah 46:11(NKJV) “ Go up to Gilead and take balm, virgin, the daughter of Egypt; In vain you will use many medicines; You shall not be cured.”

Here is a reason why there have been no healing medicines for some who are suffering. Here is why our illnesses have remained incurable:

What was the most precious and powerful of the medicines that the Ishmaelite brought to Egypt?  What was that Balm of Gilead that was of such great value?

It was Joseph, [a representative type of the Christ] who was the Balm of Gilead. He was the one the Lord would use to save not only the people of Egypt and the neighboring nations, but the nation of Israel itself!  Joseph would later bear witness to his brothers,  “But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive.” (Genesis 50:20 NKJV).

To be the man God could use to save many people, Joseph, like the substance extracted from the Gilead tree, needed to be crushed, squeezed, refined, purified, even pulverized by a loving God who is wise enough to know that the sweet ointment cannot flow until the alabaster box is broken.

Here is a terrific illustration I read that really explains the process. The making of Pesto Sauce! You make Pesto by putting fresh basil, garlic, olive oil; nuts and Parmesan cheese into the food processor and with a sharp, serrated, metal blade pulverize the ingredients until they become a well-formed paste. The results are delicious!  If we took the same ingredients – the basil, garlic and all the rest – and mix those with pasta, but it wouldn’t be the same. Actually it wouldn’t even be worth eating. All the crushing, breaking, releasing, joining and forming are needed to bring out the full flavor, the full value. (Illustration author unknown)

So it is with us.

We are called to be the Balm of Gilead, to each other; to the hurting; to those inside the Church and out. But to truly be a balm that can bring healing, we must be taken from one form and processed to another. We must be made into a sweet perfume, a honey-like medicine that can flow out to others.

It is through our suffering that this is accomplished. It is because of what we have endured that we can say, Come, drink of the healing medicines that now flow from my broken body. Come eat of my experiences and find your healing. Through our struggles and our suffering, we are becoming a Balm of Gilead, just as Joseph before us.

Are you wondering like I was as to why you are not yet healed? Why it seems there is no healing medicines for your condition? Could it be that you too are being formed into a sweet-smelling balm that will bring healing to many? Could it be that your alabaster box is being broken, so the sweet perfume of healing can one day flow out to others?

There are so many people in need, and so few through whom the Lord can bring forth that healing. Why? Because being crushed, squeezed, refined, purified, and even pulverized is not something we embrace. We look for ways out of our trials. We search for means of escape. What would have happened if Joseph had found escape from his prison? What if he had not been there to save many people?

Our Lord Jesus could have made a way of escape for Himself from the cruelty of the Cross. He told us there were legions of angels ready to come to His aid. But He did not choose escape. He suffered willingly, that you and I might be spared.

This is the Balm of Gilead – the willingness to allow ourselves to be poured out for the good of others.

What will you do? Will you be a Balm of Gilead the Lord can use, even if it means being sent to a faraway land? Will you allow yourself to be molded, crushed and formed for a greater good than you cannot yet see?

If there is no healing balm in Gilead, as Jeremiah 8:22 suggests, it is only because so few have been willing to answer the call.

Dear Heavenly Father May I be broken, crushed and spilled out for You!

Invisible Illness Week – Sept. 13-19