Laced With Grace

January 12, 2003

I remember the day so clearly. I was a little over 10 weeks pregnant with our first child. It was a Sunday, and we were at a fellowship lunch after morning church services. I went to the bathroom and was shocked to see I was spotting. I remember the fear I felt and how I tried to stay calm, how I told myself it’s okay, it’s probably nothing. I told my husband, and we quickly finished eating and went home. I called my Mom and tried to search online for answers. I just wanted to crawl in bed and make it all go away. I prayed over and over that everything was fine and that the spotting was just nothing. I was so scared though. I stayed in bed most of the day, and my Mom came to visit, to be supportive and give us a hug. My heart hurt as we prayed and hoped our baby was okay.

The next morning my husband took me to the local emergency room. I don’t know why I didn’t go see my regular doctor, but there I was feeling so sad and scared, not really wanting to find out what was wrong but at the same time needing to know. My heart hurt as we went through the examination and the ultrasound, followed by the news that we had lost our baby. I was having a miscarriage. I lay on the table crying as my husband stepped out of the room to call to tell the sad news to my Mom.

I remember in the following days just feeling as if I was just going through the motions of life. My Mom stayed with me a few days while I recovered physically. I dreaded going back to my classroom. I remember when I did go back how it felt so foreign. My world as I knew it had stopped for four days, and now here I was back in the classroom where I was supposed to act normal and go on with my life. Nothing was the same for me though. I didn’t know how to go on at first.

Nine years ago. So much has happened in that time, and I still sometimes will wonder about that baby. I have always felt that God had a reason and a purpose, just like He does with everything we go through. Up until that point I had never been through such a loss in my life. I had no idea the pain that can be associated with a miscarriage and didn’t really know that many women who had faced a loss. Now when I hear of someone who lost a baby my heart hurts for them, and I’m taken back to that time nine years ago.

I am thankful for how God used those 10 short weeks with our baby to change my heart forever. Through our loss, God taught me to depend on Him. I learned some things that are not appropriate or beneficial to say to someone who is hurting. I learned that carefully chosen caring words are so helpful. I learned how much it means to get a kind note or email, even months down the road. I learned that you never know what someone is going through or what kind of day they are having.

God used our loss to help change my heart to be more compassionate for the hurting. It is my prayer that I can offer comfort to others who are hurting in their lives whether it be due to miscarriage or something else.

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 5 For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-5

Have a day of blessings!

“Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing?” Matthew 6:25 (NKJV)

Does the fact that Christmas is just ten days away make you cringe or even panic?  Do you have a list of things that need to be done or purchased and realize that nothing has been crossed off your list yet?

For the past five or so years I have learned not to allow these things get me down.  Unfortunately I had to learn the hard way when chronic illness crept into my life like a thief in the night robbing me of the stamina I once had in order to accomplish the things I thought I needed to get done for the Christmas season.   I have learned that my home does need to be perfectly decorated; I do not have to bake everyone’s favorite Christmas cookie, candy, or cake; or have the perfect Christmas dinner; or the perfect tree with all the special trimmings; or spend a fortune for gifts.

I’ve learned that what people really want – those closest to us – is our special attention.  We can find ourselves so busy with all the holiday trappings that we neglect the very people we claim to be doing all the fuss for.

This past Sunday afternoon I had a Women’s Christmas Tea for the ladies of our church in our home.  I not only wanted to show my love and appreciation for each of them, but I also wanted them to know that we can have a wonderful time of fellowship without all the hype and fuss.  I knew my limits as well.  Other than the usual weekly cleaning that my husband always helps me with, I did not worry that everything had to look spotless or beautifully decorated.  I decided that since it was an afternoon Tea, that the food would be simple as well.  I furnished the hot tea and sparkling punch along with a tray of freshly baked scones and mini muffins purchased from my new friend who has a lovely Bed & Breakfast and Tea Room in Pottsville, PA.  I had the ladies bring cookies for a cookie exchange using one dozen from each lady for all to share at the tea.  To make it even simpler I purchased Christmas paper plates, cups and napkins.  I did not want the focus to be on the food or a beautifully decorated table.  I wanted the focus to be on the fellowship with one another as well as the real reason for this special season – Jesus.  We had prayer and devotion; a white elephant gift exchange; Christmas Pictionary; and a great time of fellowship and laughter too.  The two hours set for the Tea flew by way too fast!

This year there will not be any homemade cookies or candies from me.  Although, those who know me are probably thankful to hear this since for some reason my cookies never turn out like they should.  My husband and I will enjoy a few Christmas gatherings with the church, some extended family members and our small but precious family (mom and our daughter Heather and family).  Knowing my physical limitations we chose carefully which gatherings we attend as well as limit the amount of time spent at each gathering so as to not overly exhaust myself .  I’ve learned that I do not have to be supper woman and do everything myself.  My daughter and grandson love to help with the Christmas preparations.

In simplifying my life I have been able to give the gift that each family member desires from me – the gift of quality time with ME.   In so doing, we can all enjoy the real reason for this special season – God’s precious Gift to each of us – Jesus

“Thanks be to God for His indescribable gift!”  2 Corinthians 9:15 (NKJV)

Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over by observing your pure and reverent lives. 1Peter 3:1-2 NLT

This week I attended a woman’s Bible study at my church. It wasn’t my regular study group. I was surrounded by new faces. As each one shared their prayer request, slowly they made their way around the table to the young lady sitting beside me. She was an adorable young mother of two, all smiles and sweetness. But, the moment she opened her mouth to speak her voice cracked and her eyes misted over. “Could you please pray for my marriage. With our newest little one, I am finding no time for my husband. And quite frankly, I don’t want any time with him. By the time I go to bed, I am exhausted. Could you please pray for me?” After our meeting I made my way over to her, knowing the Lord was sending me to her for encouragement. As the mother of four, I knew exactly what she was talking about.

When I went home that afternoon I emailed this young mom and encouraged her to attend a marriage study in our home. What I thought were originally tears from an exhausted mother, ended up being much more.

I would love with all my heart to do this study with my husband and maybe someday we can. But you see, one thing I didn’t tell you today is that he’s not (yet) saved.

Not the answer I’d expected. My heart hurt for her. But, I was grateful she typed the word “yet”, she still had faith. She was believing God for a miracle. I knew how she felt. I was once the only Christian in my marriage. Thankfully, it was a season of less than a year. I know of many who suffer much longer in a relationship where the Lord dwells in only one spouse. I shared with my new friend, the words of encouragement given to me when I was walking the same road. The verse I shared with her was 1Peter 3:1-2 NLT, In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over by observing your pure and reverent lives. I went on to add:

And, if I can share just one more thing with you…don’t talk to your husband about Jesus, show him Jesus. Remember, Jesus loved and served the undeserving. On those days you want to scream or cry, or throw in the towel, or throw the towel at your husband (something I’d want to do), ask Him to give you the strength to get through one more minute, one more hour, one more day. He will. He is the one true and living God, and He lives and dwells inside of you. When you call on Him for help, stand back, because girlfriend, He will help.

If you feel like you are standing on solid ground alone, reach out for Him. He is there. And remember, He desires to live inside your husband more than you will ever know. Release your worries, anger, frustrations, disbelief, and impatience to the One who can bear it. Then show your husband the merciful, grace-filled love of Jesus Christ.

Lord, I pray for each woman hurting today without a spouse to share in the saving grace of your son Jesus Christ. I ask that you would dry their tears and fill their hearts to overflowing. Remind them of the days when they too walked alone and ignorant of your love. Place Godly people in the path of their loved one so they will feel their burden lightened. Remind them Holy Spirit, that only you can turn hearts toward Christ. Remind them it is your work alone, and that you are working even now as they read these words.

Blessings friends,

Blessed…