Insecurity Among Friends: Then and Now
I was in the middle of Rumors of Water and sifted through a haystack for old posts in a book club online. I was three months late. I laughed and cried through the comments, wishing I had been on time.
When Deidra challenged her blogger-friends to join the conversation about women wanting it all last summer, I wanted to bring something worthy of discussion to that party too, except I was late again, even though ideas burned and swirled like smoke up and out of the chimney impregnating the Internet-neighborhood air.
It takes me too long to process thoughts and idea and make sense of life. By the time I have something to contribute to the conversation, it’s often ended.
Maybe it’s because I fuss too much. Worry about how I’m going to sound when to say it. How I will look. I’m the middle-schooler getting dressed for the eighth-grade dance inspecting myself far too long in the mirror, wondering whether my outfit will evoke whispers behind cupped hands between friends or impress the other kids in the room.
In real life, I’m now the mother of those insecure teen girls whose favorite—and least liked—place is before the mirror, and they can’t help themselves until they grow out of it. The mother knows they will mature. The mother knows one day they will instinctively know what to wear to the party, that they will be comfortable in their own skin, and find their voice.
The mother tells the girls nothing. The only way out of this juvenile angst and navel-gazing is to keep breathing, sleeping, and practice being a person. You learn who you are in the process, and there are no shortcuts.
Maybe this is why God tries us. It’s not because He can’t see what’s in our heart—He can. And maybe it’s not even because we need to know what’s in our heart. Maybe it’s because the insecurity and doubt that is there at the beginning can turn to trust by the end, if we keep breathing, sleeping, and practice being His child.
Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me (Philippians 3:12).
So true, Dawn. We learn along the way. Insecurity has been a huge issue for me, but I showing me my worth.
Amen, truth spoken here.