Wake me up, when it’s over….
(quote from ‘Embrace Grace‘)
~ Liz Curtis Higgs ~
My eyes are squeezed into slits- my cheeks trying to bury them in their protective mounds….my jaw is clenched, my face is contorted, as though closing my eyes will keep out the fear and pain. Every muscle is trying to block out— something. It doesn’t take long for the “tunnel vision” to start— and then- it’s too late. I pass out.
No worries- I always wake up..eventually. I find myself nestled someplace safe, comfortable- protected. Usually on the floor, being held by someone. (My husband has caught me a number of times…..in Dr’s offices)
I started closing my eyes and holding my breath when I was just a kid-It was reflex. I did it every time I was scared or upset—-as though closing my eyes and holding my breath could stop what was happening.
I did it every time I thought I’d fall apart.
I did it when my parents fought.
I did it when I got spanking.
I did it when my parents told us they were getting a divorce.
I did it at the dentist. (I HATE the dentist)
I did it when the doctor had to take blood. (That’s the only place I’ve ever actually passed out)
I did it when I was in labor. (Yeah- lamaze works if you don’t HOLD YOUR BREATH…. can you say “buy me a c-section?”)
I did it when my husband told me traumatic news.
I did it on 9-11. Though my eyes were also clenched in prayer…
So many times—-so many places.
Eventually—- my face relaxes… I start to breathe……I usually end up with a major headache. But there is something else. Something absolutely miraculous.
Regardless of how close to imploding (or exploding) I’ve felt…. there has been something holding me, putting my heart back together, every time. Even through my squinting eyes…even with my jaw clenched and muscles taut.. I can feel hands that hold me up, and put my heart back together.
It is the nail-scarred hands of one who knows and loves me- just as I am. It isn’t my clenched jaw and closed eyes that gets me through the crisis… it’s the loving hands and arms of Jesus. They always have.
ALWAYS. That is amazing. Amazing, because I know what the “whatever’s” and “wherever’s” are.
They haven’t always been Dr’s offices and Dental appointments. They haven’t always been things that have happened to me— they’ve been things I’ve done….
Choices that can’t be changed.
Words that can’t be taken back.
Sins that I’m ashamed of.
Things that make me cringe- clench my jaw and close my eyes, hold my breath— wanting to make it go away.
Yet, always there are the loving, nail-scarred hands, holding me close, when I open my eyes. The hands are scarred but not weakened— they are strong.
Normally, I’m squeamish about scars and things… but, these scars aren’t scary. They are comforting. They tell me the hands that hold me, have been there- done that- and paid the price. For all of it.
And they have been there- Where ever- Whatever….all along.
Dear Lord- I thank you for being with me- where ever I’ve been- I thank you for holding onto me— what ever I’ve done- I thank you for your love- as evidenced on the cross- and testified in your nail scarred hands—Lord- I rest in your arms- your loving embrace- amen.
Hebrews 2:7-16
“Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts.” For if Joshua had given them rest, God would not have spoken later about another day. There remains, then, a Sabbath-rest for the people of God; for anyone who enters God’s rest also rests from his own work, just as God did from his. Let us, therefore, make every effort to enter that rest, so that no one will fall by following their example of disobedience.
For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.
Jesus the Great High Priest
Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”
Thank you, Tracey for sharing on this week’s IOW quote.
Holding your breath until you pass out – wow…I used to hold my breath too – and still do it today. But not until I pass out though. Isn’t is comforting to know that the Lord is always there for us….
Blessings on your day and always.
I am learning to depend on those nail scarred hands in the scariest moments, too. Thanks for such a vivid picture of all the times we need to cling to Jesus.
Blessings!
His grace is constant and dependable and necessary and sufficient. Thank you for sharing yourself. Have a blessed day.
Beautiful Tracey. He is enough.
Thank you Jesus for the nail scared hands….
Every time I think I’ve handed Him too much, He comes through for me. No matter how much pain or sorrow there is, He is always there making it better, easing it into oblivion. Isn’t it nice to know that when we hold our breath that He is breathing for us?
Yet, always there are the loving, nail-scarred hands, holding me close, when I open my eyes. The hands are scarred but not weakend— they are strong.
Wonderful words! They are strong….
Be blessed,
Heather
My feelings exactly. Thank you so much. I have been very blessed by Laced with Grace. The Spirit-filled authors each day has had a ‘word’ from the Lord that I exactly needed to hear. Thank you for being obedient to the Lord’s voice and writing as He directs. This place is a blessing. Thanks again for today’s devotion.