Glorious Joy?
I received some incredible news last Friday. We got word that we would get our referral and see a photo of our new child in early September. Yes! We will finally know who our baby is and be able to bring her home from China in November. Let me tell ya, this news had me jumping for joy!
Well, by Saturday, I was stricken with doubt, anxiety, stress, and worry.
Didn’t take long did it? Once again, I was back in that all-too-familiar pit of despair worrying about what could go wrong.
Matthew 6:27
Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
After spending so many years on the rollercoaster of secondary infertility and adoption, I am trained to guard my heart by immediately preparing myself for disappointment. Call it “Terri’s Pessimist Mode.” Anyone that’s had difficulty keeping a pregnancy can relate to seeing a positive sign and then anticipating its dissipation. Anxiety floods in as you realize you have no control. You sweat. You cry. You make yourself sick. With this adoption there has been so many ups and downs (mostly downs), pessimist mode is always lurking in the shadows. I convinced myself that the good news is just too good to be true. Better not feel joy…just in case.
I’ve learned through prayer and experience the only certain antidote to pessimism is to get into the Word of God. BELIEVE!
Isaiah 41:10
So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
I may be a poor role model to lead this discussion since I always seem to take one step forward then two steps back. Yet, I thank God for granting me the strength, courage and stamina to peel myself off the floor each time I fall. I praise Jesus Christ my Lord and Savior for once again pulling me out of the pit of despair. Once again shining His light on me. Once again inspiring friends and family to pray for me.
It is only because of Him that I am where I am, about to see my baby with a feeling of intense gratitude, no anger or bitterness, only unmitigated JOY!
1 Peter 1:8
Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy.
Terri…my prayers are with you that all will go smoothly these next few months. I too have struggled with infertility and after doing a couple rounds of IVF I finally got my baby. I do know the Lord gives us trials to make us stronger! And, after we have a trial of our faith he sends us many blessings! You will have your sweet new baby in your arms soon and it will be AWESOME. Also, I am the winner of the cute binder and just wanted to say ‘THANK YOU’…
Praying you through…. I can relate to the anxiety aspect (almost to well especially today), but God is faithful.
Blessings
Enjoy your blessings, Terri! I’m so happy that your referral is up next. What a sweet time of life this is for you and your family.
Terri, Your post reflects a heart surrendered to Jesus. Your encouraging words speak to me and so many of us who do not handle dissapointment well.
Lord, I lift Terri’s tiny baby girl before You. Deliver her swiftly in to the arms of her mother, Terri. In Jesus name, amen
God gave me that same verse in Isaiah when my world was literally falling apart. And then He gave me peace. I pray His peace will fill your heart Terri, and I pray that all will go just as smoothly as can be. Just as God gives us our natural children, I believe He works in the same way when we adopt (our daughter is adopted). He has a plan, and it is good!! I’m getting excited for you!!
Congratulations! I’ve been following your site for a long time and I’m so thankful the time has come for you. God is good, all the time.
I hope you know what an inspiration you are and you’ll be in my prayers.
What a blessed time! I can tell that God is drawing you close during this time, and that’s always the best place to be, no matter what the news. But, I know that it will be joyous in the months to come, and the end result will have been worth all that it took to get to that point. I’m so glad you shared this today!
Your adoption is always in my prayer. I pray everything goes well but it is in control of the Lord. Just be joyful…
Taking one step forward…it is about 1 meter/step..
then two step back…it is about 20cm/step..
So you still go forward..I know that even we are the Lord’s child, we are humanbeing,too. The Lord will use every experience to build us up to be better than yesterday.
Wish you have a wonderful week!