The Deadliest Disease
We have a nasty disease that runs in our family.
It is very, very dangerous and very contagious.
It can be life threatening if not beat and it takes special measures, a strong constitution, and lots of grace to beat it.
It has killed the most healthy of adults, destroyed even the sweetest childhoods, and destroyed many marriages.
It opens the door to many other diseases including cancer, depression, heart attacks, and general poor health.
It has killed my grandmother, my grandfather, my other grandfather, my great grandmother, it helped to ruin my parents’ marriage, it has destroyed most of my dad’s relationships with family members. On my mother’s side it has done plenty of damage, taking out most of my grandmother’s sisters, destroying their relationships with one another, and leading to the majority of those still alive being on anti-depressants.
My husband and I were alarmed to see the symptoms in our children and are taking steps to stop it in its tracks.
Yesterday we took drastic measures, declaring a 24 hour fast which will likely extend beyond the first 24 hours if we see it continuing.
My kids are on a 24 hour fast from complaining and whining.
My oldest has an especially bad case which we realized we had let go for far too long.
You may wonder why I say that it is deadly and dangerous. Let me explain.
I grew up surrounded by complainers. Every conversation was made up of multiple complaints and oneupmanship. One person would complain about their own situation, the next would complain about how much worse their situation was and so on and so forth. I didn’t learn to converse normally–I learned to complain conversationally.
All that complaining gets to you. Pretty soon you are angry and discontent about your situation and constantly mentioning it to others keeps your complaints at the forefront of your mind AND spreads complaining to those around you. Complaining breeds discontent.
For me, by the time I was in college all that complaining led to depression, loneliness, and misery. First, no one wants to talk to you if you complain all the time because being around you makes them miserable too. So the only people who want to be around you are fellow complainers who want you to share in their misery. Then constantly thinking about all the miserable things in your life (and we all have them–the question is whether you concentrate on them or look at the good stuff) leads to depression. For a time I was so depressed and anxious about all my fears and complaints that I was put on anti-depressants and sent to a psychiatrist. That didn’t help because he let me complain away.
Eventually God gave me a good kick in the butt–which is what I really needed.
13 for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.
14 Do everything without complaining or arguing, 15 so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe. Philippians 2: 13-15 NIV
First He led me through a scriptural search on fear. If you take a good hard look at scripture you will find that fear is a sin. We are told over and over NOT to fear. After that He took me on another scriptural scavenger hunt on worry. Ah. Worry is a sin as well. If God says DO NOT then doing it is obviously disobeying and disobeying God is a sin. Finally, once I weeded out all that worry and fear I found that I was left with a ton of complaining. That complaining was deeply rooted and took a lot of stuff for God to dig it out. When you have a sin that is as deeply rooted as complaining was in me then God has to dig deep and lots of other stuff gets pulled up with it.
10 I rejoice greatly in the Lord that at last you have renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you have been concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. 11 I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. Philippians 4:10-12 NIV
For instance, suddenly I had to learn again how to have a conversation. How do you have a conversation with complainers without joining in? It is like a former cigarette smoker trying to hang out with his smoking buddies. Most of the time I had to just quit talking. Eventually I learned how to gracefully change the subject.
Then there was all that complaining you did before. You have to stop thinking that way AND you have to get other people to see that you are no longer thinking that way. I actually lost friendships at this point and for a time had to stop talking to certain people in my life because they constantly brought up my complaints.
I had to quit complaining cold turkey. I had been praying about this issue and around that time I was listening to Elisabeth Elliot. She was talking about how a friend of hers fasted for two weeks from complaining. God looked at me and said, “That is what you need to do.” Okay I couldn’t see Him but I knew He was. I could feel it.
And it was especially hard since I also had to stop complaining in my journal and in my thoughts. Cleansing your thought life is tricky. However, if you can’t say things out loud after a while you stop thinking them. I started looking for good stuff to say and think instead. I also learned to listen instead of trying to think what to say. (Complainers seldom listen because they are too busy thinking about themselves.)
I found that not complaining changed other areas of my life. I was suddenly less stressed, healthier. Heart problems and other stress related illnesses run in my family. So does depression (I am the only adult on my mom’s side who is NOT on anti-depressants.) My relationships are healthier and I am no longer a toxic friend (I hope–I know I used to be.) I have learned to counter every negative, complaining sort of thought with something positive.
I occasionally get laughed at for having a positive attitude. I know people often think that my outlook and response to negative stuff is full of platitudes but it works for me. I know that God has my best planned out and if that includes rough spots in the road–and there are plenty, then I trust Him.
Knowing where I have been because of my complaining (and you know that verse about not arguing and complaining–arguing really does go hand in hand with complaining), I refuse to go back there. I really am determined, in whatever situation I find myself, therein to be CONTENT–and I can’t be content if I am whining, arguing, and complaining.
I also refuse to let my children go that direction–it can and does destroy lives. I have watched it happen.
It nearly destroyed my marriage. It did destroy my parents’.
It led several of my grandparents, great grandparents, as well as great aunts to miserable deaths (yes they died of stress related diseases but they also were very, very miserable by the time they reached that point–and they were hard to care for because they were so miserable).
It has led to most of my family relying on anti-depressants to get through daily life.
It makes my oldest miserable regardless of how wonderful her day has been.
It robs people of joy and peace.
It is a very noisy and miserable killer.
I refuse to let it overtake me or mine ever again. One 24 hour fast isn’t going to kill it but it is a step.
Lord, I pray that you would give us a heart of joy and of peace and of courage, that we would be content in all things, selfless in all things, loving in all things. Grow each of us into a place where we can like Paul say that I am determined to be content in whatever situation I am in that we may do all things without arguing, whining, and complaining.
How are you doing? Do you find this disease running in your family as well?
Wow, such an awesome post. Be blessed dear one.
Thank you so much for your transparency in sharing. I defiantly needed to read this devotion today. I appreciate especiaaly the comment on complain conversationally to converse normally. So true in my life, not only for myself but also those who i hold conversations with. “Toxic”, word well put. And at times we are all victims of this as well as colprites of being this way. God bless you today.
Enter me.
Eileen G
Wow, how amzing to read this and know that this has been passed around for generations. Thanks for peeling a layer off me to expose and show me that I have been there and most recently been there. But thankful for hope and peace to be filled in place of complaining. Blessings back to you.
Serving Him,
Kris
please “enter me”
Oh my goodness!!I can SOOOO relate…this verse Phil 2:14 is actually our “family verse”. We had to also take DRASTIC measures around here because it seemed like EVERYONE was complaining or whinning about something. Drives me crazy! I loved this! It was just a great reminder to STOP spreading germs!! =)
Wow! I used to do that too. It drained so much energy out of me. I was depressed for a long time and didn’t know I was depressed. I thought it was because I was different.
God woke me up from this dreadful disease. I am so grateful to Him who gives me Victory through Christ Jesus. Amen!
Please, enter me.
A wonderful reminder, thank you.
enter me
Oh my word! We have the same disease in my family too! 😉 The funny thing is, my kids put out the old “I’m not complaining mom, I’m just trying to tell you how I feel.” To which I reply in song “Tell it to Jesus, tell it to Jesus alone”. They don’t think I’m very funny. (I do! haha)
Thank you for this awesome post and my Bible study group learned about fasting 2 weeks ago when we fasted as a group, several ladies decided to fast from negative attitudes and complaining. LOVE IT!!! Thanks again and please ENTER ME!
Valarie
BRILLIANT post!!! Thank you!!! I quit “complaining” ahwile ago & since then have wondered why someone close to me (a big time complainer!) stopped talking to me…now I know why!! This post has given me so much peace…Have a blessed day!!
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you. What a good way to see it and see how it not only affects our lives and those around us, but also the sin issue.
Please ENTER ME!
You must have been living in my house for a while. I have been seeing this negative and complaining spirit creep into my thoughts and words. It has also spread to my children. Today you have given me the answer to stopping it. Praise be to God! and thanks to you for sharing.
Please Enter Me
Lisa E
This post hits the nail on the head! For a long time, I felt that if I didn’t complain, people would not understand how I REALLY felt about my life or a situation in particular. Now, I realize that complaining only makes matters worse and defeats every good thing that is destined to come into my life. I am definitely going on the “complaining” fast! Hopefully for good!
“Enter Me”
Mylah Luper-Johnson
What wonderful words of Wisdom! My husband likes to remind young parents that when their little bundle of joy has started to demonstrate some not so joyous acts or emotions, that they are “born little sinners”. Isn’t it so true, we are all born sinners and need the blood of the Cross to cleans us. We can’t do it on our own as you have reminded us. We need Him to change us but we need to be conscious of the sin.
I tend to have a negative streak in me and have recently ask the Lord to change my attitude. When a friend asked me to help her with her sick mother, I was not sure if I should since she tends to bring the negative attitude out. During the weekend she commented that she sees the Lord really working in me. At one point she said, “I never realized that I was so down on my family you keep looking at situations from the positive rather than the negative.” Wow, God has been changing me even though I didn’t realize it and used me to help someone else. May He be praised!
what a great post today! I’m afraid I’ve caught that deadly disease too. Philippians 4:8 has been my cure – to focus on all that is good in this world God made for us. Thanks for this great encouragement today.
Please enter me
Thank you!
a complaining fast. I like that and will do my best to exercise control in this area of neglect. Keeping a sacred silence is a rare quality and one that I desire, so thank you…seriously, thank you for the reminder.
peace~elaine
please “enter me”
Oh girl! This is me! Funny thing is, most of the time I don’t realize just how negative I come across…
Please enter me.
The analogy of it being a disease running through your family is so applicable, especially when looking at a combination of definitions for disease. “An impairment of health or condition of abnormal functioning, resulting from various causes (such as unfavorable environmental factors), characterized by an identifiable group of signs or symptoms.” We have some complainers in my family, but worriers plagued us more. These viruses attack people by keeping them focused on the negative. I completely agree that you have to take action and concentrate your words, both thought and spoken, on the positive. Thanks for sharing your experiences.
Please ENTER ME, thank you.
I understand this disease verywell, thank you. It has done more danger than all the cancer, heart disease, and diabetes combined. It has been passed from generation to generation.
I love the idea of having a fast. We do so well so often, then we fall off the wagon and start murmuring again. This idea just blesses me beyondo!
enter me too, please!
I have to admit that I’m impressed by your convictions! I tried to give up complaining for Lent and didn’t make more than a week or two. I really want that to change…my life too is steeped in complainers (my husband jokes that compared to them, I’m an optimist!). I pray for a heart change like yours.
Please enter me!
Things have always been a bit “tight” financially for us. Last summer my husband started a new job that was a perfect fit for him. It matched his skill set, he had a boss who he really respected, along with a good salary and great benefits. Two weeks ago he went to work in the morning like any other day but was home by 9:30. he had been laid off, along with 10% of his co-workers. For two weeks we’ve been scrambling to find whatever work we can for now that would help us make sure we can make our house payment and feed our four children. This week that quest for “whatever work we could find” landed me in a preschool as a substitute. I liken teaching preschool to doing laundry – I’ve done so much of it I’m pretty good at it but it isn’t something I actually like to do. So, the point of all this was really to say how much I appreciate this reminder about the dangers of complaining. I need to be grateful that God gave me a job this week, not complain because it wasn’t my dream job. My job really is to just do my best each day at doing whatever he asks me to do for that day. Thanks for sharing your story and your tips on keeping a positive perspective!
~Vickie
(please enter me)
Wow!!!!! I had never thought of complaining that way. Now that I think about it when I am at work if there is to much dead time I start with a topic I know will get every one started complaining. I should be starting on another topic…God! I never realized I did that until now. Just so there would not be so much silence I started something negative and I have been missing out on great opportunities to praise the Lord for his love for me. I think I might have to try fasting…Pray for me and my family. I know that when my husband starts complaining I just walk away. I have heard it all before and I don’t want to hear it again. So why should I do such things at work? I just never thought of complaining in that way. Thank you for this devotion.
“enter me”
Thank you for this post. This one hit home in a major way. It is a blessing when the Lord gently points out specific sin. I have been praying for Him to show me sin areas in my life; and after reading this post, I can honestly say that I just need to shut my mouth sometimes. I tell my pre-k students all the time…”If you can’t say anything nice, then don’t say anything at all.” Practice what you Preach is the lesson of the day for me!
Please “Enter Me”
We have a pretty low tolerance for this in our house because of being raised by a family who are carriers of this gene. I can easily fall into it as well. It is brought to its ugliness when I hear it coming from our children.
Our sin always looks worse on someone else, doesn’t it?
Blessings, Joanne
********PLEASE ENTER ME***********
What an uplifting post! It is so easy to fall into a lifestyle of complaining that leads to bitterness and misery. Being around it is very dangerous because it spreads so easily. Thanks for exposing this often neglected subject the light of truth!
Kelley –please enter me!
Wow, never thought about complaining this way. Thank you for the gentle reminder. I was just complaining about some things today~Going on a complaining fast is a great idea.
Rachel
*******PLEASE ENTER ME TODAY*****************************
You are right Heather. We should always display an attitude of gratitude. It makes not only your relationships well, but also your soul.
Thank you so much for sharing.
I have noticed how easy it is to complain. When I have complained about my job, traffic congestion or actions of my children, God presents me with a “reality check”. The news reports regarding the increasing number of unemployment or a traffic accident involving the fatality of children. This changes my focus from negativity to appreciation.
Please enter me.
When I’m on a grumbling trip, I try to recall one of the most powerful and memorable stories in the OT that makes me often shut my mouth immediately. Do know which one it is?
It’s the story of Korah and 250 followers. They complained that Moses was the “holy” one. They too wanted to be favored. What did God do? He had the earth swallow up Korah’s entire household and all of his possessions. (The same happened to Dathan’s and Abiram’s households and possessions too.) The 250 that followed Korah were fried with fire from the Lord.
The boggling part is that the next day others STILL grumbled against God and Moses! How much does the Lord despise a complaining nature? An additional 14,700 people perished due to an immediate plague that swept the camp.
Do I want to get God’s ire up over my complaining heart? No way! I know that “There are six things the Lord hates, seven that are detestable to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil, a false witness who pours out lies and a man who stirs up dissension among brothers.” (Prov 6:16-19)
What is complaining do but stir up dissension with someone else? Oh that I would remain a joy to my Lord, rather than a squeaky, annoying tool that is never satisfied.
Enter me please.
Thank you so much for sharing this. My sister and I just had a discussion about how sometimes you find yourself complaining simply because someone else is complaining. I never thought about a complaing fast… lovely idea.
I’m going to print this out and post in the kitchen for all to read. This is prevelant in society. Stopping it begins with me / at home / with my family. Blessings to you for allowing God to work through you.
~Anne
Amen! I refuse to be like the Israelites wandering, whining and complaining in the wilderness! I refuse to forget what God has done for us, Who He is! I will not get in the way of getting to the promises God has for me! 🙂
In HIS grip,
Sherry
PS, please enter me!
So true,
Complaining and whinning can so drain our lives of the joy and excitement that God has for us each day. It’s focusing too much on what we don’t have and not on what we’ve been blessed with!
Grace to us all!
Denise A
ENTER ME PLEASE