My Scarlett Letter
I sat in my bed looking at the new scooter and cane that were beside me. I waffled between screaming and crying. I wished that it were all a bad dream, but my mind could not deny the truth any longer. I had joined the ranks of the disabled. What a horrible word! As if my ineptness were not clear enough, I now must wear a tag that says, “I am not able.” Now, there is no question to anyone else who sees me. I am different; I am incomplete; I am not capable.
I hear my family in the kitchen laughing and playing together while I sit in my prison. I can no longer escape here on my own. Someone else must help me. I feel the familiar sensations coming back: insecurity, failure, rejection, depression. Over the past seven years, they have been my constant visitors. I tell them to leave, but I feel them lurking just around the corner.
But today, I have a couple of weapons that I did not have in the past. The first is an all-em-compassing faith in my Savior and Father. This year, He promised that this would be a year of healing. My first thoughts were that this was a physical healing. All the ailments that I have faced over the past years will be going away. But in His sweet, gentle way, He reminded me of verses that have been going through my mind for a few weeks now, but I could not remember the passage. Today, as I studied, my Scripture reading was Isaiah 55, and I realized that these are the words He had placed in my heart.
For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts. For as the rain cometh down, and the snow from heaven, and returneth not thither, but watereth the earth, and maketh it bring forth and bud, that it may give seed to the sower, and bread to the eater: So shall my word be that goeth forth out of my mouth: it shall not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it. For ye shall go out with joy, and be led forth with peace: the mountains and the hills shall break forth before you into singing, and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands. Instead of the thorn shall come up the fir tree, and instead of the brier shall come up the myrtle tree: and it shall be to the LORD for a name, for an everlasting sign that shall not be cut off. Isaiah 55:8-13 (KJV, emphasis mine)
In my pride, I wanted a story of God’s miraculous healing; but in His grace, He wanted a story of His patient provision. In my pride, I looked for my own perfection; but in His grace, He is glorified in my imperfection.
Soon after I humbled myself and accepted that I am not in a prison but a gilded cage, my precious children came tumbling into my room. “Mommy, when we get to heaven will you still need this wheelchair? I don’t think you will because God makes everything perfect in heaven. Mommy, I sure will be glad when we get to heaven and you can run everywhere with us.”
What I viewed with disgrace and embarrassment, God used to break down my pride and humble me, turning my eyes once more to Him.
Do you have an area of pride in your life that is threatening to overtake you? What steps can you take today to turn away from the pride and let God’s glory shine through your humility?
“In my pride, I wanted a story of God’s miraculous healing; but in His grace, He wanted a story of His patient provision. In my pride, I looked for my own perfection; but in His grace, He is glorified in my imperfection.”
Oh my…such a powerful testimony…I needed to read this today…and be reminded of His “patient provision”….
As someone who suffered a stroke last year, this really touched my heart. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing your heart with us, Wendy.
This post touched my heart today Wendy. Thanks for sharing.