A Picture of Biblical Submission
A while back I was looking for an example of Biblical submission in marriage in order to explain it to a new Christian who was struggling with the idea. After praying sometime this is the example I came up with. Whether married or not we all are under submission to somebody , if you work you are in submission to your boss, if you live at home with your parents you are in submission to them. Regardless you are in submission to your government and anyone else that the Lord has placed over you. I pray that if you, like me, struggle with this idea of submission, then it will help you better understand how and why it works.
My husband is a C++ programmer with ample experience with computer graphics engines. His boss is the head of the company who often talks to clients and is in charge of all decisions about what the clients will receive in the end product. Sometimes he leaves things completely up to my husband and sometimes he steps in and requests specifics. Quite often his boss has to ask whether something is even possible–my husband knows a lot more about programming than he does. However, his boss makes the final decisions based on the information my husband provides. His boss does not stand over him and make every little decision about every little bit of markup–he gives him free reign within reason but he still makes the final decision which project is important and what needs to be done first. The same is true in most jobs where there is a higher up–a poor leader nitpicks each and every detail, a good leader steps back and lets the second do what he or she does best, guiding only when necessary. If my husband spent all his time undermining his boss’ authority he would likely lose his job or his boss would find himself holding extra tight to his authority or relaxing his leadership because he preferred not to battle.
I spent years trying to get my husband to lead in our household. I didn’t think I wanted to make every financial and spiritual decision. I whined and complained to him and to God about it. I thought I knew what was best and the direction we should be going. I tried to force my husband to lead and I tried, through prayer, to force God to see things my way.
It wasn’t until I stopped and realized that I was undermining my husband at every turn that I shut up and realized something else needed to change first–that is ME. Our marriage could easily have ended in divorce because I didn’t know how to follow my husband as leader and I constantly argued with everything he said. He refused to lead because
he knew that if he suggested something I would have ten different reasons why he was wrong.
When I stopped leading and started gently deferring to him (and bit my tongue when he suggested something I didn’t like–if it was unbiblical and bothered my conscience I would PRAY, PRAY, PRAY, then gently suggest that I didn’t think that was best. Usually, if I responded in a different way than I used to (none of the “look” or attitude) he would ask my opinion then we would find something that would work better.
After over 10 years he is now spiritually in the same place (we were together for 6 years beforehand so that is 16 years of not being equally yoked–it took me 16 YEARS to learn how to not be a contentious woman!) Suddenly, of his own volition,this summer he took over our devotions and prayer time (when we can’t go to church due to health issues we have church at home. I used to have it alone with the kids because he requested that we not attend church without him
and his health and moods seldom allowed for it.) I though that I had gotten to the point of having him lead completely, I thought I was THERE, yet when he started to lead (just as a year ago when he took over the bills) I kept wanting to jump in and take over. Yet, just as when he took over the bills– regardless of his poor decisions the Lord protected us yet when I did them it didn’t matter how hard I tried things wouldn’t work out, in the same way suddenly, when he took over our devotions and church time, it was then that suddenly we were all being fed, whereas when I did it something vital was missing–God’s blessing.
There is a time and place for everything–both men and women have to submit. Being in submission gets us in our right place before God and keeps us ready for His blessing. Being rebellious leads to misery–whether you are rebelling against your boss, your family, or your government. By being in the right place before God He can adjust your surroundings, change the hearts of those over you and around you, and you are getting right before God so that He can bless you completely.
1Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. 2Consequently, he who rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves. Romans 13
Lord, I thank you for the Godly authority You have placed over us. I pray that we would not be contentious but willing to be lead and that You would protect us from poor leadership. Give us wisdom in dealing with those we must submit to and the grace to handle situations as You would have us. In Jesus name, Amen.
How are you at handling leadership?
Thanks for sharing this post.
I had a pastor tell me many years ago that I was submissively hostile. He knew the hostility wasn’t directed at my husband, and we counseled about what was going on. I so agree with you! Submission starts with a change in me! Thanks for this post.
This is excellent, Heather, both the Biblical truth and how reasonably written it is.
I think I’m in the same place you were. I see places where I feel my husband should be leading, and he’s not and I need to let go and let God. And also let God change ME!. Thanks for this great post.
It’s is powerful to realize that men won’t lead unless we let them. We must give them freedom to fail and trust the results to God. Thank you for sharing so openly on this much needed subject.
You are right, Heather. Submission is a tough part in our live (at least it was for me)…it took me a little longer than it did you for submitting to my husband. My key was that God had to change my heart first — to break through my stubbornness.
Thank you so much for sharing your heart with us.
Blessings to you and yours.