Attagirl!

Do you realize your value? 

Even though it is easy—so very easy to get caught up in seeking approval and validation from man—we love that pat on the back—that “attagirl”.  But it does not always come.  However, God sees. 

Everything.

In the middle of March, my husband, Jeff and I participated in a Camp Director’s Conference near Birmingham, Alabama.  I was excited!  Mainly to be leaving the HOUSE.  I had cleaned out closets, drawers, dusted ceiling fans, scrubbed floors, helped cut grass, and many other things I can’t even remember right now!  And cooked some mighty delicious meals…if I do say so myself!  I had not received the pat on the back, but I felt like eventually it would get noticed.  Without me pointing it out.

We were participating in the “get-to-know-you” time after supper that night and everyone had to stand and tell what camp they were from, how long they had been there, and share a funny incident from camp.  Since I’m not employed by the “camp”, I leaned over and told Jeff quietly, you do the talking–since I’m not an actual employee.  He said, “I don’t have a funny story”, I told him it wouldn’t matter, we were at the end of the line anyway.  

Most came as couples, with only 2 of the wives not actually working on site.  When it came Jeff’s turn, as he was about to sit down after sharing a funny story he remembered from a past camp, I realized he forgot me.  I simply raised my hand and waved and said, “oh, and I’m his wife, Angie”, with a smile. 

He, realizing his mistake, patted me rather hard on the back, “oh and this is my wife, Angie, and she don’t do anything”.

Girls.  Can you see my red face?  Do you feel the embarrassment?  Do you feel my anger?  More than that, do you feel my “worth” disintegrating right before my very eyes?

Yeah.  It happened.  Just as I was trying to hold it together and not dagger him right then with my eyes, a woman up front turned and said, “well, if she didn’t do anything before, she SURE ain’t doing it now!”

Well, you know my reply.  Maybe you would have said the same.  “You got that right sista!”  Since I didn’t know a single person there, I felt like we had made a lasting impression, and not a very good one.  For sure their impression of ME would be lasting.  The wife who does nothing.

Guess what happened.  The enemy set up camp.  Oh yeah.  He was bent on staying.  For the duration of the conference.  Which was 3 days!

That night–after subjecting Jeff to the most severe “silent treatment” ever known to our marriage, I went to shower when he went to bed.  I replayed that movie over and over.  The pain, the tears reverberating in my heart and mind as the enemy reminded me that I was no longer working an actual paying job–and therefore my value had decreased drastically.

When I laid down on the bed beside him, I clutched the side–you know…so my flesh would not TOUCH his flesh.  (Don’t sit there like that! You know you’ve behaved the same way!)  It soon became very difficult, and knowing I would not sleep like this, I got up to move to the other bed.  Jeff asked me what I was doing…”well, I can’t sleep on that bed.”  Since the room had two queen beds, I simply moved from the one that felt like a ball of cotton, where the lighter person “rolled into the heavier”, to the bed that felt like a door.  Rock solid.  It really didn’t matter, as I felt this would be a totally wasted night for sleeping.

As I lay there, trying my best to quiet my mind, the movie of the night kept replaying.  I would rewind and play it again, reliving my hurt.  I heard a whisper in my heart.  “Let it go, Angie”.

My reply to my Father, “I can’t.  I’m not done.” 

“Let it go Angie”, more sternly He spoke.

I began to weep.  Quietly.  Silent tears coursed down my cheeks as my Father reminded me that I had stepped out on faith to follow Him.  He reminded me that there would be things I would see, feel, hear and experience, some good, some not-so-good in the journey.  But I was not leading… I was following.

The next morning, pulling myself out of the painful reminders, I went to breakfast where Jeff was already seated, and as I walked up on the conversation already in progress, the woman across from Jeff said, “well why didn’t you sleep?”

As I set my tray on the table, she looked up as Jeff spoke to me and pulled my chair out a bit and the surprised woman said, “Well! I know why you didn’t sleep!  I just put the two of you together!”

I smiled, everyone laughed.  The enemy was trying to gain his footing again.  I sat there and ate quietly, listening with only one ear, trying to at least “look” interested in what they were saying.  I was not in the least interested at this point.  I was hurting in my heart again.

When I got up to dump my tray, I began walking through the next dining hall, which was completely empty.  The tears filled my eyes as I silently cried out to my Father for help in dealing with this and getting through the next 2 days.  The enemy reminding me of my decision of not working to follow God’s voice.  As I walked I heard the most tender voice and felt the warmth from two arms that are never too short to save.

“Baby, I see everything you do.”  The voice of my Father.  His voice in my heart was unmistakable.  No one talks to me that way.  His love was felt in such a way that made the tears increase–but it was tears of gratitude.  This was worth more than any pat on the back.  More than any “attagirl” I could have received from any one.

Something else I learned from this–is all the things God does for us while we sleep.  He hangs the stars.  Shines the sun, getting it ready for the next day’s work of lighting our way.  He polishes the leaves on the trees with the wind, yet we fail to notice so often.  We fail to give Him the thanks.  How often do we actually look up and say with enthusiasm, “GREAT JOB!”

Never again will I view my surroundings without realizing what actually goes into the preparations.  There are hands behind everything–whether it is our outdoor surroundings of nature in all it’s glory–sunrises and sunsets, or a cleaned up kitchen.  A home cooked meal at my mother’s house.  There were busy hands.  God’s hands and our hands–which HE gave us to use.

So, may I please remind you–YOU are more valuable than rubies.  No matter who has neglected in telling you how precious you truly are–YOU ARE WORTH More than priceless gems!  Your worth is far above what you think.  Do you actually think God would have sent HIS only Son for a “nothing” of a person?  Do you think that Jesus would have come for a “nothing”?

Girl.  YOU are a something!  Something VALUABLE! One day, HIS arms will encircle us as He leads us home, and shows us the crown that our ceaseless work has created–the crown to throw at the feet of our Savior!

Dry your tears.  Pick up your chin.  Realize your value is not in man’s eyes….but in your Father’s eyes.

Attagirl!

Following Him.

Angie Knight

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