Cancer, R2D2, and the Holy of Holies

Most summer vacations are spent on white sandy beaches, or enjoying trips to the mountains, sight-seeing, or visiting far-off family. That’s the way the plans for my summer were supposed to look. But God had other plans. You may recall I wrote about it last month.

It’s hard to believe my breast cancer surgery was just a little over a month ago. Because it was found early (Stage 1) and not linked to any genetic issues, I was able to have the least invasive procedures done; a partial mastectomy (commonly called a lumpectomy) and an internal radiation device called a Mammosite placed during surgery. This was perhaps the most uncomfortable two weeks of my life; having a surgical balloon inside my breast that filled the cavity created by the lumpectomy. The surgical balloon was attached to a long catheter tube that protruded out my side with other little tubes dangling from it. Showering was not allowed. I slept in a recliner for several weeks because I couldn’t lay on my right side.

A week after surgery I was able to begin a 5-day radiation therapy that consisted of 10 rounds of radiation, each round was preceded by a CT scan – yes, that’s 10 CT scans in 5 days. Twice daily my hubby drove me for treatments. I’d be there between an hour and an hour and a half each time. The days were long and tiring; it’s hard to believe I would find myself looking forward to each treatment, but I did.

After each CT scan, I was escorted into a square room the staff called “The Vault” because it was air tight, sound-proof, and secure. The air was cool and had a fresh, pristine aroma. There was a table draped with a white sheet for me to lay on and a strange little machine that I dubbed  R2D2. The tech would wheel my little buddy over, connect long tubes that would carry the radiation seeds from R2D2 into the tubes that hung by my side and whirl them into the surgical balloon in my breast. Because my top half was exposed, they would cover me with a folded white sheet fresh out of the warmer. The nuclear physician would come in, check the connections, leave the now sealed off room, and then I would wait for the green light to turn red and listen for the whirl of the seeds enter my body.

The first of the ten treatments I was apprehensive. There was no getting up off the table as R2D2 and I were tethered at the breast. I began to count the number of ceiling tiles when I heard Him calling me, “Come to Me. Draw near and just be silent before Me.”  When I left “The Vault” 20 minutes later I glowed, not from the radiation seeds that were whirled in and out of me, but because I knew that I had been in the very presence of God in the most sacred of places. “The Vault” now became my Holy of Holies, and I could not wait to return that afternoon to meet Him again.

My  time in the Holy of Holies was sacred ground to me. I meditated on Psalm 100 each day, the Scripture passage I was led to, and I would pray for each of my family members, friends, and all those the Lord would bring to my mind. There were no distractions, no noise other than the gentle whirl of R2D2 doing his thing; filling me with seeds of hope that would get rid of any of the cancer cells left behind or hiding. During those ten treatments, I experienced His presence and the mighty power of God first hand, like never before. Sometimes I would smile, other times I’d be in tears—tears of joy and sometimes tears of sorrow as I laid there vulnerable before the Lord, knowing I couldn’t get up and flee His presence, I had to stay and allow Him to work on those areas of my life that only He could see and repair.  The last time in the Holy of Holies I surprised the nurse, tech and the nuclear physician when they came in to unhook me. I tearfully thanked them for their care and watchful eye (I learned there were four surveillance cameras mounted around the room), and that I was thankful for the experience of being able to meet with God in such a holy place. In a strange sort of way, I was sad to see this part of the journey end.

God used this time of cancer treatments as a time to experience Him in a state of solitude and silence like never before. He transformed my trial, pain, and suffering into a sacred place that has taken me deeper in my quest to becoming a woman after God’s own heart.

Father, thank You for allowing this trial to enter into my life. I can honestly say along with the Psalmist in Psalm 73:25,26,28;
‘Whom have I in heaven but Thee? And besides Thee, I desire nothing on earth. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. But as for me, the nearness of God is my good; I have made the Lord God my refuge, that I may tell of all Thy works.’

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