Clean at Heart
10 Create in me a clean heart, O God, And renew a steadfast spirit within me. 11 Do not cast me away from Your presence, And do not take Your Holy Spirit from me. Ps 51:10-11 (NKJV)
I well remember the day. I had made a decision to ask Jesus into my heart. My five-year-old feet carried my wobbling knees down front to where the pastor was. I did not know what to say, so I just stood there, shaking. Eventually I croaked out, “I want to be saved.” I remember how new, fresh, and clean I felt on the inside. A feeling I hoped would last a lifetime. I had a similar experience on the day I was baptized. It was like my spirit was floating euphorically inside my chest!
Since that day, many times I have come to the Lord and asked to be cleansed from sin and selfishness- to be freed from the sin nature inherent within me. Most days my behavior is not too awful. I make more right choices than wrong. I feel His assurance, that I am indeed a child of God. Most days I could probably pass inspection as a Christian.
There have been times, though-like lately- that my soul begins to cry out for something deeper. I begin to pray to be conformed into His likeness. I ask that I would be enabled to walk worthy of the call on my life. I ask the Lord to rid me of all that defiles. To purify my heart and my motives. To see the world through His eyes. And then something amazing happens- I begin to see everything horrible that is in my heart! I begin to feel like there is nothing in me but wickedness and sin. Why is that?
I have begun to feel that this occurs because we develop in stages. Our spirit is like the proverbial onion with layer upon layer of nuances and degrees of Godliness or sinfulness. As I begin to surrender myself to God’s magnifying glass, the true nature begins to “rise to the top.”
It is funny how that when I live a more haphazard spiritual walk, I can even begin to feel a bit smug about all the old stuff that I no longer do. (You too?) But when I willingly climb up onto the Potter’s Wheel, praying to be made more like my Lord, it can get pretty painful. As He begins to press on my flesh with His strong hands, imperfection in my clay vessel begins to reveal itself. It then becomes necessary to pinch out the trash. To smooth the rough edges. To flatten the vessel and start the upward climb again. That is the test of the living sacrifice. Do I continue to submit to His “shapings” or do I decide it is too painful and jump off and run for dear life?
As Jesus told Peter in the garden, “The spirit is indeed willing, but the flesh is weak.” (Matt. 26:41) When I am especially close to the Lord or inspired- such as in a wonderful church service- it is so easy to make boasts in the Spirit. To promise the Lord I will do anything He wants and be anything He calls me to be. But when it comes time to walk it out, there is much to overcome! I once again begin to cry out, along with King David, “Create in me a clean heart.” The creation is all His. I have no ability to bring it about within myself. All I can do is pray for His help and submit to His process.
Many of us want to live effective lives for Christ. We want to make a difference. We want to impact our world for Jesus. But before we can be trusted with such an undertaking, we have to submit to intense preparation. Jesus spent 30 years preparing for a 3 year ministry. Sometimes preparation is the greatest part of fulfilling God’s will. Are you willing to let your pain be His gain? Are you willing to let Him reveal any inner sin, that you might be a better reflection of his light?
Dear Lord, I want to be transformed to Your likeness. I want my heart to be pure- full of compassion and mercy. Forgive me of the sin in my heart. Please wash and cleanse me. Remove the stuff that defiles me and hinders your work in my life. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.
Comment
The more we draw closer to the Lord, the more He shows us how much of the world is still in us. I too have learned that transformation is a life long process. He delights in conforming us to the image of His Son. But it can be painful at times. I find that pride can rear its ugly head just when I think I’m doing pretty good.
I love your heart Sherri. And I’m on the same page and can identify with your growth. I love how we can walk alongside one another even on the internet to encourage one another.
Blessings and love,
Debbie
Debbie,
You are so right! The internet allows us to start fellowship with sisters we don’t know personally but will spend eternity with! What an awesome family of God. Thank you for your encouragement.
I had to smile when I read “Most days I could probably pass inspection as a Christian.”
I too what my heart to be clean, but sometimes the ugliness comes out in my too. Let us cling to Him Who can cleanse the heart and mind.
So true.
Great word, Sherri! Itis a daily cleansing I find I need. We always say first in the physical then in the spiritual. Just as I have to cleanse my physical man daily I also have to be sure my spiritual man has been cleansed.
Love ya
Rese