Comforted to Comfort
December 31, 2002 — my heart was racing at over 150 beats a minute, and I was sitting down. For the previous three weeks I had symptoms of dizziness, fatigue, and sleepiness. My primary care doctor put me on a Holter monitor. I wondered why she was checking my heart.
My husband drove me to my doctor’s office on that New Year’s Eve, and Dr. Gorski told me to go directly to the Emergency Room. Something was wrong with my heart. In the Emergency Room, one of the attending physicians told me I had a heart attack. We debated that for a few minutes. It wasn’t a heart attack. However, I was diagnosed with cardiomyopathy (heart failure). I was a slim, healthy, active woman in my early 40s — how did this happen?
Of course the questions we most want answered from doctors are usually unanswerable. Why? How long? What’s my long-term prognosis? I was in the hospital for one week and they did every imaginable test on my heart. Why did this happen to me?
Looking back, I can think of many ways God used this in my life. He prodded me to depend on Him; He showed me I’m vulnerable (not super woman!); He allowed others to care for me; He impressed on me the importance of rest and self care. But one of the main positive results of this experience is a new understanding of illness and what it feels like to be hospitalized. Before this event in my life, I would dutifully accompany my pastor husband on hospital visits, but felt uncomfortable and unhelpful. After this event, I had a much deeper understanding of how it feels to be diagnosed with a scary condition, how it feels to be in the hospital, how it feels to confront mortality.
God comforted me throughout my stay in the hospital, and in the years since, so that I can comfort others who are going through similar trials. He had a purpose and I have seen it fulfilled in my life as I have a whole new perspective when caring for the sick and hospitalized.
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 (my emphases)
I am convinced He orchestrates it all. God may not cause our illness, but can certainly teach us such powerful lessons through it. I want to be willing to learn.