Confidence or Bravado
Trembling and nervous, I looked over the precipice that I needed to conquer. My head began to swim, eyes blurring from fear as I contemplated how I would tackle this next challenge. My legs screamed at me that it was too much to bear; my knees quaked, my feet refused to move one step forward. But I knew that I must. There was no other way to accomplish my goal. I was oblivious to everything else around me as I tried to work up the strength to move forward. But I was brave. I knew I could do it, if I just tried hard enough. Feeling a bit like the Little Engine that Could, I constantly repeated to myself, “I think I can. I think I can. I think I can.”
Then I glanced to my side. Another woman close in age to my own was facing the same challenge. But she did not stop or even slow down. She walked right up to the challenge and proceeded as if it were a completely normal activity. What did she have that I didn’t? What was wrong with me that I was terrified of what others seemed to think was routine?
Finally, I decided to face my fears and do the unthinkable.
I slowly lifted my foot and placed it on the first step of the escalator. As my step moved closer to the landing, I clung to the railing that continued to move beneath my hands, constantly fearing that I would lose my grip and tumble down the remaining steps. As I neared the end, I started to release a sigh of relief before I remembered that there was still one more treacherous obstacle to conquer: I had to get off of this terrifying contraption without being sucked underneath, limbs shredded from my bones as I embarrassed myself by halting the elevator and interrupting the errands of unsuspecting strangers lost within their day.
One of my biggest fears.
Sound a little dramatic? Yes. But how many times have we approached our fears in just this way? A situation comes up between us and a friend, and we know we need to address it, but we are afraid that we’ll lose the friendship, so we dwell on the problem and end up buried in fear. Or perhaps you are facing a financial crisis that seems to have no positive outcome. We can look at the problem and try to convince ourselves that we can do this. We fill our minds with thoughts meant to build confidence, “I’m a grown woman; of course, I can do this.”
Recently, God has surrounded me with examples of what true confidence looks like, and it is nothing near what I have carried with me my entire life. What I called confidence was more like bravado. I could put on a brave face; but underneath, I was full of fear. How was I supposed to transform from exerting bravado to exerting actual confidence? Perhaps, confidence is something you are just born with and I could never attain it. Then what?
As I struggled with these thoughts, God brought me to Psalm 31:4.
Keep me free from the trap that is set for me, for you are my refuge.
When I approached that escalator, I let my thoughts control my actions. I expected ME to keep me safe instead of trusting the engineers and architects who had designed it with my safety in mind. They had years of education and experience which prepared them to make this escalator, yet I did not trust them to keep me safe. I was sure that I was special enough that I could destroy what they had worked so hard to build just because I was insecure. My bravado might occasionally allow me to test fate and try their frightening contraption, but I certainly was not confident that it was able to do its job.
This is the same problem that I face with daily challenges. I think that it is completely up to me to solve the problem and figure out the solution, but it is not. A Master Creator and Architect has already created a plan for my life. He knows each step that I will take, and He also knows where traps have been laid out for me. So I have a choice. Will I take each step in fear that I may suffer irrevocable damage from it? Or will I trust that the Master Creator knows each step that I will face, and He will keep me safe?
Like Joshua said in Joshua 24:15b, “As for ME (emphasis mine) and my house, we will serve the LORD.”
This is the confidence that I want to exude each day.
Wendy Mueller’s Signature
Awesome descriptive writing Wendy! I felt like I too was on the escalator with you, lol Thanks for a great reminder today about tackling our fears. 🙂
Wonderful.
Powerful reminder that we ought to put our trust in the Lord. I know for myself, when I dwell on an issue, fear takes over. But if I put my trust in the Lord, I am calm and collected.