Hear, my son, and be wise; and guide your heart in the way. Proverbs 23:19

      For so much of my boy’s lives I’ve been the one standing in the middle. The one making sure they had what they needed, got where they needed to go – dressed appropriately and on time. Being the middle-mom was necessary when they were young, but as they grew (and their lives and activities grew with them) my place in the middle seemed to transform from mom-like characteristics to something resembling a circus clown act. You know the one I’m talking about? The one where the clown juggles the balls, adding one more, one more, one more…until he can’t add anymore without them all dropping to the ground?

      There is a time in childrearing when the balls need to be handed to the growing child – one at a time, as they mature. Eventually, the middle-mom boughs out and they take full ownership of their own balls, and keep them from hitting the ground. That’s when they learn what is important to them and what is not – and their effort is applied accordingly.

      I believe this is especially true when it comes to their relationship with God. It is less like giving them the ball and more like handing them the torch. No matter how badly I may want to keep it lit for them, I can’t, it’s not my place to carry it for them.

      I’ve found releasing this to them isn’t as easy as releasing the keys to the car, it takes a lot of preparation and faith (OK, it takes some of that for the car keys also but that’s not my point here). After all, if they don’t take ownership of this one their eternal future is on the line. Yet, just like all the other decisions, they have to make it for themselves. They must learn to step forward (around the middle-mom), reach out and take hold of the hand of God for themselves.

      It’s not easy moving out of the middle. People start counting on you being there, and you get comfortable in that position…maybe even feel like it would all fall apart without you there. It might, for a while. And if it does its OK, God is there, and He’s a master at putting the pieces back together. Sometimes He even teaches some important lessons – if He can keep the middle-mom out of the way!

      Have you ever played monkey in the middle? It’s a game where two people (usually children) try throwing a ball to one another while a person (the monkey) stands between them (in the middle) and tries to intersect the ball. That is a pretty good description of what our position becomes like when we refuse to get out of the middle (we become the monkey). It’s like intersecting the ball before God catches it – we become interference in our children’s lives.

      Are there areas in your relationship with your children where you need to step back and get out of the way – eliminate the middle-mom? I know there are a few in mine, and my boys are grown! It’s hard watching them make their own mistakes (and mistakes WILL happen), but when I think about how God taught me as I made mine (and still do), it helps my trust in Him grow and helps me move out of the way.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to be the monkey anymore – it’s exhausting! The monkey doesn’t win the game, because even if you do intercept – it’s still someone else’s ball!

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