I Don’t Know
There are days when I just don’t have any answers. I hate those days – because a large part of who I am is someone who reads, studies and knows… maybe understands what I read. And yet, there are times I just don’t understand. I just can’t fathom joy in the pain – the suffering. I don’t understand why God would allow my child to suffer and be afraid, even when I know it will be okay. I don’t understand why I don’t understand why God heals one person and allows another to die of the same disease, leaving behind a family in pain. It reminds me that we have to:
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
do not lean on your own understanding.” – Proverbs 3:5 (NIV)
I try hard not to lean on my understanding. I try to remember that Christ suffered more than I could possibly imagine. I try to trust in the promises of God’s Word. God can heal, redeem, restore. I trust that He will wipe away the tears from the eyes of those who have lost husbands, fathers, sisters and brothers. I believe His word that:
“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the for the former things have passed away.” – Revelation 21:4 (NIV)
Yet, as I look around, I see so much pain – so much suffering – so much evidence of a fallen world that desperately needs Jesus. I admit, I struggle with James 1:2-4:
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” (NIV)
I pray that God will not test my faith in a way that means the loss of someone I love or the physical or emotional suffering of my children. Yes, I want to grow closer to Him. I want there to be less evidence of my flesh – my humanity – and more evidence of Jesus in my life. I want His Spirit to fill me and overflow in my life so that He can be seen in me. I think we all do. We all want more of Him – don’t we? At any cost?
I don’t know. I don’t have all the answers. I wish I did. Though a part of me is glad I don’t. A part of me is glad that I don’t have to know – but only trust that anything God allows will be for His glory – even pain. Even suffering. And when it comes down to it, that’s all that matters – that Jesus be known so people may have the chance to live a life in Christ. Not a pain-free life. Not a life without challenges, suffering or trials. But a better life. A stronger life. A hopeful life. And, of course, an eternal life with Christ, our loved ones that have gone before us, and our children who will come after us.
So, go ahead. Ask me about Jesus. Ask me about joy and suffering and when it will end. I might not know. But know we have a good God that has good plans for our lives that will evidence His transformative presence and the gift of forgiveness and mercy that only a life in Christ can offer. I know that only a life in Jesus offers grace, mercy and hope. Only a life in Jesus offers hope.
And I also know that while we may suffer, it will only be for a while because God’s Word says,
“And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.” – 1 Peter 5:10 (ESV)
That I know.
a gentle smile as I sit here too pained to sleep knowing that I am loved. being loved matters more than the sleep. the word love is even the security code on this comment.
Love being loved loving knowing we are loved
all the suffering pain and hardships pale to the focus of
loving him just because. everything else is just fru fru and distraction.
In my pain, I have known Him more; I’ve leaned into my learning rather than retreat from it. He’s been far more than I expected. I am grateful for a God willing to reveal himself to his children. All we have to do is open our eyes and hearts for the receiving.
peace~elaine
In the midst of times of suffering, I draw closer to Him. He is my strength. He is my comforter. No, I don’t have all the answers either. I join you in that. But I can see from your words that you draw close to Him too even when you don’t understand. I think it would be so hard to endure your child’s suffering. But God …
Blessings and love,
Debbie
Thank you all for all your insights. Yes, I agree the love is the key to it all. And I can see how Jesus has met you in your pain, Elaine in your writing and in how you respond with love to those in any form of pain. Thank you and God bless-
In His grace- Niccol
Such sweet words again, by my dear friend, Niccol. It’s so true. I’ve always been known as the “why” kid in my family. As I’ve gotten older, I’m trying to stop asking so many “why’s” and do something out of my character–go with the flow! Instead of asking “why” when rough times come, after going through some rather painful things, I’ve come to just say..”why not”. Then lean into God and look to scripture for comfort and know He is and always will be in control.
Such precious words, be blessed.
So true, Niccol. We do not have all the answers. It is hard to help someone to see joy in the suffering, including myself. Thank you for the reminder that we can trust Him to see us through the sufferings.