Learning To Lean
I’ve been a Christian since I was a litle girl, but I find that even with that “headstart” there are so many lessons that are very difficult to learn. It was a time when I desperately wanted the Lord to do something for us. I prayed fervently, had others pray, sought counsel, did everything I knew to do, and heaven was silent.
Then one morning as I was sweeping the kitchen floor, it was as though an audible voice spoke to my heart, “All right Linda. I have heard your prayers, and I have a question for you. Do you want me to give you what you’ve asked for, or do you want My will in this very difficult situation?” It was, for me, a life-changing moment. I knew then that no matter how desperately I felt I needed something, if I truly loved the Lord as I said I did and believed His word, what I truly wanted more than anything else was His will. Our situation didn’t change, but I did. I gave it to the Lord, and He gave me all I needed.
So….lesson learned – or maybe not. We have recently had something come into our lives that has eclipsed anything we have ever faced. There were times I felt as though the weight of it had buried me alive. I had dreaded it for months; prayed so hard that God would deliver us from it. However, my worst nightmare came true, and I was devastated. I felt such disappointment with God, I couldn’t pray for a very long time.
He never gave up on me. He patiently waited until I knew that there was nowhere else to run but to Him. When I finally did, I came face to face with what is so basic in my relationship with the Lord. Do I trust Him? Do I trust that He will indeed work all things together for our good. Do I believe He loves us with a love that knows no bounds? Do I believe He is in control and wasn’t taken by surprise by any of this? I do. I believe He is who He says He is, and I believe He can do what He says He can do (Yes, I did that Beth Moore “Believing God” Bible study.).
Perhaps the miracle is waiting for us some time in the future; perhaps He has a different purpose in all of this. I only know I must trust Him, because without Him nothing makes sense. He is my hope and my joy. He has given me that peace that passes understanding. It is truly a miracle. I thought there would never be joy or peace or hope again. I was wrong. He is all those things and more. He knew us before the foundations of the earth, and He has a plan – to prosper us, not to harm us. He is so very good.
Linda, I have no doubt that, whatever the situation, there is a miracle related to it in your future — even if it’s different than that which you might have expected! I praise God that you have found your way back to peace in Him.
Oh, Linda, I know how you feel – I do…Nothing makes sense at times. You wonder if what you prayed is not in His will, because He seems to be silent…I have prayed prayers for years, no answer…But I know that I can trust Him with the outcome, because He sees it all – He sees the entire picture.
Thank you so much for sharing from your heart with us today…
Wow, Linda…
because without Him nothing makes sense….. Powerful… powerful testimony. When I am walking in the valley, I am calling you. Thank you for sharing your life and the truth. The question always comes back to, Do I trust Him..
Awesome post. Thank you.
Daer Lynda,
Verse that came to mind when reading your entry…Matthew 26:39 “He went a little farther and fell on His face, and prayed, sayging,”O My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as You will.” Have a blessed day and remember to pray always.
Blessings,-me- (Mommy of two little blessings)
Absolutely so true!
Thank you, Linda, for this wonderful testimony. It’s so true! My husband and I married at 18 and started trying to get pregnant before we even reached our first wedding anniversary. It didn’t happen. Many prayers were prayed for us, but we had years of negative pregnancy tests and no understanding of why I couldn’t conceive. By the time I turned 28, we had learned that I had PCOS, but we still hoped for a baby. We underwent fertility treatments and still could not conceive. Finally, we decided that if we did not have a baby or one on the way by the time we turned 35, we would take that as God’s will for us to be childless. We worked with children at church and I had been a preschool teacher; we figured He would just use us to help other people’s children.
I turned 35 in January 1990 and my husband was about to turn 35 in April. We grieved over our childlessness and then accepted that it was what the Lord wanted for us. About three weeks before my husband’s birthday, we got a phone call from a friend, asking if she could come over to talk to us. To make this long story short, her SIL knew of a girl who was pregnant and looking for an adoptive couple. She had told the couple about us and they’d decided they wanted to meet us. At our first meeting, they decided they wanted us to be their baby’s parents. The next two months were both wonderful and terrifying, but we brought our daughter home from the hospital when she was 36 hours old.
She is 18 years old now, just graduated from high school after being homeschooled all her life, and she is an AMAZING young woman. She has a passion for the Lord and for working in drama ministry at church, and is now working with middle-schoolers in that capacity. Looking back, we would not change a thing! All those years, we couldn’t understand why God wouldn’t grant our request for a child, when all along He was saying, “Wait…the miracle is coming.”
Bless you dear.
Thanks for sharing that reminder. Great devotion.
Such a poignant devotion. I have been there recently as well. We faced the devastating illness of my 10 year old son. I thought I would not make it. I was drowning. But as in many other challenges of my life, the Lord brought me through and changed my life in the process. I don’t want to go back, but I wouldn’t change a thing.
Thank you for sharing your heart and reminding me once again of this marvelous truth.
Blessings & joy,
Lea
Trust. So hard because it is conditionally filtered through human understanding and how it has birthed therein. God, and God alone, is worthy of our trust. He never fails…to remember us, to love us, and to carry us to our good and perfected end.
Even when I cannot reason his wisdom.
peace~elaine
This has been the lesson of my life over the last four years. Thank you for this encouraging message.
Oh Linda…” I have heard your prayers, and I have a question for you. Do you want me to give you what you’ve asked for, or do you want My will in this very difficult situation?” WHAT A spoken WORD from GOD! I think many of us have fallen into that place of want/need. What I want may not always be what I need. OR what would be best in HIS plan for me.
I have done the “Believing God” study as well…but still I wind up there…many times and again.
I loved the heart in this.
Love you sister!
Thank you for sharing your heart with us. Even women of deep faith can come to the point of bewilderment, but I love the phrase, “All right Linda. I have heard your prayers, and I have a question for you. Do you want me to give you what you’ve asked for, or do you want My will in this very difficult situation?”
Surrender.
It reminds me of the old Babbie Mason song that says, “When you don’t understand, when you don’t see His plan, When you can’t trace His hand, trust His heart.”
Blessings to you this day sister.