My third grade love

It was a love affair that began in third grade. Oh, it was a child like love, innocent and pure. As I grew I was not as faithful to the one I loved as I should have been. In middle school, the one I loved was there but I did not really talk to him. I sometimes shared him with my friends, but not in any real way.

By high school, I began to see my love in a new deeper way. I paid more attention to him and I grew to love him for who he was, not what I wanted him to be. I spent more time with him, sometimes up in the mountains we would go to a camp together. One time we traveled to Mexico together to meet the needs of others. Overall though, he still loved me more than I loved him.

I wanted to be with him and love him, but also be free to do what I wanted at the same time. Unfortunately I have been known to cheat on him, to seek other loves during this time. But I always found my way back to my first love.

In college I tried to finally sever our ties, I was tired of being told what to do, I wanted to do things my way. His love required too much of me, I am my own person you know! So I tried to let him down easy, but slowly I began to distance myself further and further. He was heartbroken.

I found new loves, new interests, and new ways to fill the place where He was since third grade. This is my life and I want to make sure I have a say in how it turns out. He wanted to control my life, and He wanted me to give myself up to only Him during this time. It was a commitment I was not willing to make.

Then suddenly I became a wife and a mother, and the new interests, new things I found to fill the hole all betrayed me, they did not stick with me. I was alone and scared, I had pushed my first love away. Suddenly without reason, He called me to himself again. This time I grabbed on and pleaded for him to never leave me again, that I am sorry I pushed Him away. I told him how much I loved him, that I am now willing to give myself to Him, and only Him. I did not understand at the time He was trying to help me instead of control me. I did not realize when I had Him, I had everything.

The little girl’s child like love has returned, but now in this older woman’s body. She is someone who has given herself up to her first love. He will not be replaced with new interests; He has shown me that with him I have everything I need.

Jesus I just can’t help falling in love with you more and more each day, thank you for being my first love.

Heavenly Father, may anyone who has lost or replaced their first love know they can return to you. Remind them you are always there. I pray they understand you are there to help, not control; to love, not boss, you are my everything. I love you Jesus.

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