That’s my story
Today’s post is shared from guest writer Sandra. You can find out more about Sandra at her personal website “Come Walk with Me“.
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I returned to my university town just earlier this week after being out of the country on a study abroad excursion in Costa Rica. I intended for the experience to be like an internship in which I would earn academic credit. It took almost a year to prepare for this trip. I was excited in the beginning but the closer my departure date neared the more nervous and doubtful I grew. Lo and behold that it was neither what I had expected nor what I had planned for it to be in several regards.
Many have been asking me what it was like and how it went. How do I answer such a loaded question dozens upon dozens of times? Before departing, the directors of the international studies department at my university sat down with all us students who were to be leaving within the next coming months. I will never forget their painful but true words of advice: “When people ask you how your excursion went, you are going to want to tell them all the wonderful and exciting things, but truth be told all they will want to hear is ‘it was fine’.”
I cannot muster up the strength to lie to neither myself nor to others in such a way. There is a deeper science to interacting with people, even those who are just politely asking formulaic questions. I mean, think about it: what if all exchanges outside of those based upon how-are-yous ended with the retort of ‘oh, life is just alright?’
Let me illustrate this awkward situation: I stand snared in the suspense of a moment frozen in time while the well-meaning gaze studies my face, awaiting some type of gratifying response. Time is ticking actually—time never stops. So I avert my gaze uncomfortably all the while knowing I need to say something. Do I tell this person about the visit to the hospital and all the awful events that took place beforehand? Do I reveal vulnerable secrets and trials? Do I tell them the truth about the city and that it is not all tropical paradise? Do I complain about my earache developed after being exposed to screaming and jeering kids for several hours a day? Do I say that I did not indulge in the native cuisines because of my strict diet?
Or do I just lie and tell them what I am supposed to?
The one who offers thanksgiving as his sacrifice glorifies me; to one who orders his way rightly I will show the salvation of God!” -Psalms 50: 23
I was passing through the student union building when I bumped into an old friend who recently graduated and is now teaching. When I began to brush off the experience in Costa Rica, she affirmed me that she understood as she too had been abroad several years ago. Had it not been for the people she met, she too would have chalked it all up to be a negative experience.
I sat down later on that same evening in a reclining chair. Just months before I was in that same place talking to one of the program directors who had been steadily working to seek out the most accommodating host home in which I could stay. This time, I closed my eyes, holding in hand the convicting proverbs and insights of Attitudes of Gratitude by M.J. Ryan.
With a paperback reminder and token of my well being at my fingertips, I took in the warmth of the room and the holiday decorations plastered around the room. I remembered the curiosity of the children with whom I worked in the art workshops. They asked me what snow was like. While there was no snow to be seen outside the window I knew it was coming soon, and hard too given the climate I live in. Thinking about that made this very warmth permeate me from the outside in. I remembered that I have a place to live, that I am about to graduate, that I made it back safely although my wallet was stolen just as I arrived to the airport for the flight home. For my old friend who had also been through rough times, I was grateful. For my resources, my part-time job, my clothes, my loved ones, for a prayer answered in such an intricate way—I felt exponentially grateful. Above all, I remembered all those who have believed (and still do!) in me. Without many of them I would not have gone overseas in the first place.
Notwithstanding the bad and difficult times, certain aspects of Costa Rica have become so intimately connected and fused with the essence of who I am. Taking into account all the good, seemingly insignificant instances—the warms hugs and exchanging of gifts between me and those at the art museum, the reassuring embraces of young children by my side as I stood crying during my last few days at the elementary school, galloping down the hillside to the farmers markets, comforting a stranger on a crowded public bus who received news of the death of a relative, spending a weekend alone in a quiet town; even the toddlers, one who smiled at me in the airport, each one on my departing and returning flight—I have no room to allow the poison of negativity and forgetfulness to steal the pure joy of those experiences; they were pure magic! Besides, I find that joy given to me by those instances much more alluring and attractive. That’s my story. I’m sticking to it.
So I think I have finally decided upon what I will say the next time someone approaches me and inquires about my experience:
I think the benefit of a truly useful, door-opening study abroad experience begins after it is over.
Good post.
Thank you for reading, Denise!
Thank you again for the opportunity to write another guest post. I wanted to mention that the link to my blog is broken as well.
I look forward to reading more from LWG!