The Broken Way
So many thoughts whirling through my head; thoughts and pictures I tried to keep buried in the recesses of my mind over the years believing God could never redeem something so unredeemable, so broken and shameful.
FLASHBACK . . .
The belt came through the last loop with a loud whip-like crack. First, it pounded the sidewalk like a warning. Then as angry words were being lashed out, the belt came across the back of my legs.
I tried to out run my Dad’s thundering wrath, but my nine-year-old legs just weren’t fast enough. The chase continued down the street, the belt pelting my back, my arms, my legs. I had been to the playground and lost track of time. He came in a rage and chased me down the long concrete sidewalk.
Cars drove by; people watched from their front porches; they heard my cries for help, but no one intervened. I was publicly beaten, publicly humiliated, publicly rejected, publicly abused physically and verbally and not one person cared to stop the violence against me. Not even when the belt wrapped around my ankle causing me to fall. They heard my cry, but no one cared. Even as he grabbed me by the arm to pull me back up to my feet, ripping the sleeve of my blouse, no one came to save me from the ravages of an out of control man.
I felt afraid, ashamed, defiled, naked, vulnerable, abandoned. I felt like a failure and a sinful person because no one cared enough to come to my rescue, to save me. I must have deserved his wrath.
Memories like this remind me of my journey with brokenness, wounds that continue to heal over time. By sharing my path on the broken way, a trail of breadcrumb morsels dropping behind me draws other wounded seeking healing for their broken hearts. God is redeeming what I thought to be unredeemable simply by sharing my stories and becoming a safe place for others to share theirs.
I’m thankful that several years ago the Lord saw fit to have me follow a trail of breadcrumb morsels that lead me to Ann Voskamp and her journey with brokenness. Ann put lyrics to what my wounded heart and soul have been humming. I’m honored to be on the launch team for her newest book, “The Broken Way – A Daring Path Into the Abundant Life.”
Remember my flashback? Ann begins Chapter 1 with a flashback of her own – a part of her story that made her wince in pain and shame while sitting in church. A hurtful comment and congregational laughter lead her to want to stand up in church and say: “When the church isn’t for the suffering and broken, then the church isn’t for Christ.”
We live in a fallen broken world. We’re all looking for something, Someone to cling to that understands our pain, shame, and brokenness. We don’t want Christianese spoken; we want hope that we’re going to be okay, that there is a purpose in our pain, to walk alongside us on the broken way.
We look up into the night sky and see the stars He hung in place and think a God that big is too big to ever care about our wounded and broken hearts. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Consider this one of many verses found in God’s Word:
“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18
Seven years after my flashback story I heard about Jesus’ crucifixion story. I thought to myself, “He understands humiliation. He understands being whipped and brutalized publicly. He understands having clothing ripped and being knocked to the ground. He understands the rejection, shame, and abuse I felt.” I could identify with the horrors of His story, His brokenness. I also heard the rest of His story, the victory; I wanted that same power of God in my soul; to redeem me and make something out of my broken life. God gave birth to me on October 2, 1969–my spiritual birth; and healing was birthed into my broken heart. My healing journey on the broken way had begun and continues to this day.
Ann also says this about brokenness in chapter 1:
Brokenness “makes a canvas for God’s light. There’s brokenness that makes windows straight into souls. Brokenness happens in a soul so the power of God can happen in a soul.”
We are all broken people seeking a new life for ourselves. He desires to bind up our wounds and heal our broken hearts. The Broken Way is the way to having an abundant life. Don’t be ashamed of your scars. Your brokenness will lead you to abundance.
I’m so excited to be on @AnnVoskamp ‘s book launch team for #TheBrokenWay Check it out ->TheBrokenWay.com
You are right – we are all broken people. However, God can use our brokenness to let His light shine through, if we let Him.
Hello Marsha,
I like using Bing as my search engine. After watching Life Today on the Daystar Network I was glorified when I was introduced to Ann Voskamp. Sheila Walsh was sitting by her side to bring her endorsement to Ann’s new book “The Broken Way”- A Daring Path into the Abundant Life. One of the very first blessings I received during the interview was the bond Ann and Sheila had. Before I learned about the book and a glimpse of who Ann was, Jesus made me notice the love Sheila had for Ann. Sheila was proud. With Such an outpouring of support that Sheila offered, my mind made me think of Super Glue. The strong kindred spirit Sheila and Ann represented for one another on the episode was absolutely mind blowing. I have never witnessed such a closeness between two women of God until today. But I just couldn’t wrap my mind around it. I just sat on my couch and in bewilderment felt a rushing current of feelings come upon me. Emotions such as ignorance, jealousy, anger, desperation, defeated, envious, empty and finally BROKEN. Imagine that! Just within the first few minutes of the interview. I am ashamed to say that I can’t seem to remember a good portion of what was shared. My mind made me think about how sad I felt that I couldn’t have a sister for my very own. Have you ever decided that you wanted something so bad but you couldn’t afford it? So you just put it in the back of your mind and say maybe someday with a big “Yeh Right”. I just moved into my very first apartment. Just the same strong desire to want a sister who loves Jesus I want a kitty. I can’t afford one. Vet bills, food, litter. I can’t do it. Then after I was allowed to go through that moment of doubt and a deep longing way down in my heart the Holy Spirit began to minister to me. Bringing to my remembrance several promise scriptures that I wanted to speak out to the Lord. I knew in that moment of time that what I needed to do was worship Him. Marsha that was very difficult to do. My body which is the temple of the Holy Spirit became weak and tired. My eyes began to close as they were burning me blind. This is in real time right now. I am going to close this note to you. But before I do the first sentence I typed to you, was I like using Bing. You’re web page Marsha was a few clicks down and God sent me to you. I will be back. Your dad sliding his belt through the loops and then across your body was me one day. That sound. The belt buckle jingling. Thinking as you cried ” Daddy what did I do wrong? ” I know Marsha. I know.