Top 10 things you need to know about your Pastor’s wife!
As a wife of a pastor, I must echo the words of James, “I count it all joy”! For more than a decade now I have had the joy of serving alongside my husband on this ministry journey that God has set in motion. For the most part, I say it has been a joyful adventure, but like James points out, I also have seen the trials and bumps in the road that serving in ministry often brings. But even so … I count it ALL joy:
“My Brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials.” -James 1:2
James takes time out in this passage to strongly encourage his fellow believers to strengthen their Christian Character. He says that Christians are not immune to difficulties and hardships. And I am here to tell you that James is correct and not only that, Pastors and those serving in ministry are not immune either. In fact, the enemy has his insides all turned inside out over the labor of ministry that those called by God are doing. But count it all joy, my friend.
I have seen too many families in the ministry throw in the towel. It becomes too much; the burden, the struggle, the various trials and then somehow, joy is stolen. It breaks my heart to hear stories of ministries shattered because of the works of the enemy. So today, I write this very different kind of post, because I want to tell you that your pastor and his wife struggle just like you do. It is imperative that we pray for our leaders in the church, that they could count it ALL joy: the good, the bad and the ugly.
In order to help you gain some insight, I would like to give you my top ten list of what you need to know about your Pastor’s wife:
1. I AM NOT PERFECT!
and neither are you! Romans 3:23 “For we have ALL sinned and come short of the glory of God.” I am not much different than you, I get frustrated, I lose my temper sometimes, and I don’t always like everyone I come in contact with. I make mistakes. My husband and children also make mistakes. Don’t judge us when we do, embrace us like we do you when you or your family messes up.
2. DON’T TALK ABOUT PEOPLE TO ME
Please do not bad mouth other people to me. Your negative comments and gossip about others only puts me in a very awkward position and makes it hard for me to remain neutral. Especially if the person you are bad mouthing is my husband or my children. If you don’t like his preaching or his kind of leadership, remember he is my Pastor too, but he is my husband and my best friend first!
3. DON’T ASK ME THINGS YOU SHOULDN’T ASK
I know that I go home with the Pastor every night, but that does not mean that he discusses every problem or situation at the church with me. In fact, you might be surprised how much I DO NOT know because he is protecting me from any potential disunity in the church. If you need to know something from the Pastor, ask him directly, do not use me as a “go between”, because I probably have no clue what you are talking about.
4. BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU MESSAGE MY HUSBAND
Speaking to your Pastor about confidential issues needs to be left in the conference room behind closed doors. Please do not text or email your private issues to my husband because from time to time I or the Pastor’s children use his phone and computer.
5. RESPECT MY FAMILY TIME
As much as I would love to attend every ministry outreach, every child’s birthday party and every Scentsy or Mary Kay party, I simply cannot. My time is valuable just like yours. I too would love to have an occasional night to soak in the tub or catch a movie with my family. Please do not expect me to be at everything and do not get angry or talk about me behind my back if I kindly have to send my regrets.
6. GET TO KNOW “ME”
Take time to get to know ME! Please do not compare me to the former Pastor’s wife. I am not her. She no longer lives here. I am unique. I am gifted. And I have been chosen for such a time as this. Let me be ME.
7. BE MY FAMLY
My blood family lives far away and because ministry keeps us working 24/7, we cannot always lean on them. Step in and be our family. Be a grandparent to my children. Cry with us when we are troubled. Rejoice with us when we are blessed. Adopt us as your family, because we miss ours so badly.
8. REALIZE THAT I CANNOT TALK TO EVERY PERSON EVERY SUNDAY
Please do not take offense if I do not get the chance to shake your hand or compliment your new dress every Sunday. There is only one of me and LOTS of you. If I have missed you a few Sundays in a row, hang around to hug my neck before you leave. On a side note: Sunday’s are a time that I enjoy greeting people and meeting visitors, please do not take away from that by telling me about a problem you have with the worship team 5 minutes before service or during altar time. If it is an urgent matter, put lunch on hold and wait around after service to speak to me in private.
9. ENCOURAGE ME
As much as I love to encourage and affirm others, especially women, I also need encouragement. I wear many hats throughout the week, and often times the hours that I put in at the church outweighs any compensation I may receive. One of the loneliest people that you will find is actually the Pastor and his wife because the burden they carry is heavy and they feel like they have no one to talk to. A card in the mail, a text message or an email goes a long way on a tiring, stressful day. Let me know that you are praying for me and that despite my shortcomings, that you love me.
10. BECOME MY PRAYER PARTNER
This is the most important thing you can do for your Pastor’s wife, especially if you don’t like me. I promise you, if we pray for one another, we will love one another, faults and all. James 5:16 says that “the effectual fervent prayer of the righteous avails much”. May we hold each other up and “avail much”.
I hope that this list will help you pray and love your Pastor’s wife to even a higher level. I am sure that many Pastor’s wives have walked the trenches like I have but when we answer the call, like many of you have, we can count it ALL joy!
Blessings to you and to your Pastor’s wife.
This is such a good devotion!! I am sharing ot with my Pastor’s wife! Thank you, Laurie!
Thank you Heather. So blessed to have you share it. ((Hugs))
Powerful message, Laurie. I will remember these words for our pastor and his wife and children.
Thank you Iris. Welcome back.