What I Wish I Had Said…
It was during our weekly conversation when out of the blue she said to me, “I’ve told Jesus whatever His will is just let it be.”
I knew exactly what she meant but I didn’t want to hear it, not at that time. So my reply was, “Both of us know where we’re going when we leave this earth. We’ll be going home to be with Jesus. There’s no reason to be afraid but you don’t have to be in a hurry to say your goodbyes.
We talked, we laughed, I prayed and told her, “I love you and I’d call again soon.” Neither of us knew that would be our final conversation.
I wish I had taken that moment to say:
I believe with all my heart I’m going to see you again on this earth but, if I don’t I want you to know my friend, you’ve had an impact on my life. You’ve left an impression on my heart that will never be erased.
You have given generously, loved unselfishly and defended all. You smiled through your pain while offering others comfort and support. You lived out your faith, trusting always in God.
You believed however he answered His way was best and you lived surrendered to his perfect will.
But I didn’t say this because wouldn’t saying it mean I had no faith? Who says goodbye when believing for a miracle?
I hate goodbyes. If I can I avoid it, the awkwardness, the sadness, the finality of goodbye. However, whether we are in perfect health or dealing with a life threatening illness, we don’t know how far we are away from our final goodbyes with our loved ones. Hence we should make each moment count, say the things that need saying so there are no regrets.
When I tried to explain my sometimes mixed up words to my cousin she’d always say, “You don’t have to explain, I know your heart.” So today I take comfort in knowing, although in that moment I didn’t say the words I wish I had said, she knew how I felt about her.
…Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning. Psalm 30:5
I also rejoice in the fact that because we shared the same faith in our risen savior I’m going to see her again.
20 But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, 21 who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body. Philippians 3:20-21(NIV)
Are there any words that you want to say to someone you love? I encourage you to say it…
Heavenly Father, I pray for those today who are dealing with grief. Wrap your loving arms around them. Let them feel your presence and your peace. Give them the strength to make it through this difficult time.
I write this post in memory of my cousin and friend Nurse Pearl Carey. Beloved child of God and a true gem to her family and friends.
praying with you, and for you
I am so sorry for your loss, Bernadine. It is hard to let go of the ones we love, I know.