With Her Own hands….A Story of Demolition and Redemption
My fists pounded brick. Tears stung my eyes as I worked, but- I would not let them fall. I would not cry. I was angry. Anger felt better than hurt. I pounded with all my might to tear apart what had been so carefully built. Making no progress, I dug at the mortar between the bricks with my fingernails. My nails broke. Fingertips, bled. Blisters formed on my hands and broke, left in their wake was raw flesh, to continue the work. I didn’t care. I searched for tools to tear apart the house. A shovel, a pick axe, whatever I could find, I used them. The anger, hurt, frustration, pain and a whole host of emotion fueled the demolition. I’ll say this- if they could find a way to harness a woman’s angst and use it as fuel…. we wouldn’t be having issues with the prices at the gas pump.
Had I really been outside, tearing apart my house with my bare hands, it wouldn’t have lasted long. (I’m a wimp- and bloodied hands would hurt.) Besides, someone would have sent me on an all expense paid (by my insurance company) trip to the “Happy Mommy Spa”. (Suburban-speak for local psych-ward ) I wasn’t that lucky. There were no bruises, blisters, bleeding. The demolition wasn’t even visible to passersby. I quietly, and with little notice, carried on. A bulldozer could not have done more damage.
The scene was years ago and I was hurt, overwhelmed, afraid and angry. The cause, is not important. (today) My response, however, is . I over spent, over ate, over reacted and over spoke. (Have I mentioned, that I tend to over do things? Side note: My mouth is my best demolition tool- I can take out a full grown, emotionally stable human being, in very few words. NOT a spiritual gifting, that’s for sure. ) I used every tool I had or could get. I said things to people both involved and un-involved, that I shouldn’t have. I was a one woman demolition crew, destroying whatever I could reach. I may not have created the mess- but I was sure making it worse.
I remember vividly, seeing my carefully manicured (but Chuck Norris- lethal) hands, holding the edges of my bible, when I came upon these words:
Proverbs 14:1
The wise woman builds her house,
but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.
My hands shook. I started to sweat. I feel nauseous. For a minute, I thought I had the flu. My body knew the truth before my brain did. I was that foolish woman. Justifiable or not… in response to my situation-I was tearing down my own house. My body, my mind, my relationships, finances and my family. Brick, by bloody brick. As quickly as that truth set in, another truth settled in next to it in my heart, like a dove:
Colossians 1:9-13 “For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light. For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.”
It was the word redemption, that made the tears finally fall. I wanted what I had lost– to be redeemed. All those emotions that had been fueling my demolition project…. they were because I felt like I had lost so much. According to Eastons’ Bible dictionary- the word redemption means this: ” The purchase back of something that had been lost, by the payment of a ransom.” I had been wanting redemption (for the situation) all along…. I just didn’t know it. I had confused redemption for retaliation. (oops, my bad.) Like a child having a tantrum…. I lashed out. With my own hands… I tore at what was left, in a twisted attempt to regain what had been lost. As my desire for redemption became clear… (and at that point my need for forgiveness- too , over the damage I had now done..) I came to see this scripture, in a whole new light:
Roman’s 3:21-26 “But now a righteousness from God, apart from law, has been made known, to which the Law and the Prophets testify. This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood. He did this to demonstrate his justice, because in his forbearance he had left the sins committed beforehand unpunished— he did it to demonstrate his justice at the present time, so as to be just and the one who justifies those who have faith in Jesus.”
We all have fallen short, yet He offers redemption, and grace. Slowly, (And I do mean slowly, here… this was NOT an instantaneous thing…) what had fueled the demolition attempts started to drained away. I began to see that God was involved in the situation. (He always had been— but I was too busy prying bricks to notice) Instead of a feeling of entitlement (over how things SHOULD be) I started to recognize it as an opportunity to see what God WOULD do. He would pour out forgiveness. He would redeem.
Brick by brick, what had been demolished by the situation (and then, by my own hands….) is being re-built. The new “home” isn’t like the old one….. it’s much better. Oh- sure, the work isn’t finished. There are missing brick here and there, a few cracked windows, yet to be replaced and residual fingernail marks . (Those acrylics can do some damage before they finally give way;) But, the remodeling has begun.
Today, the place where I live, is being (and for the most part- has been) restored, heart, soul, body, and home. The new floor plan is incredible. So much better than what was. No matter how long it takes- I know it will be worth it. (Besides- now that I’m not ripping apart the work, as fast as it goes up… the process is considerably faster!)
Look down at your hands. Are they bloodied? Battered? Are they bruised and blistered from your personal demolition project? Have you been tearing apart your own home? Maybe it was in response to a hurt, maybe it is by an addiction that you just can’t stop. Maybe, it’s because of habits you just don’t know how to get rid of. Maybe you didn’t even know- that long since whatever the origin of the fuel was gone….you’ve been the one continuing the demolition.
It’s time to set down your tools and weapons. Stop tearing apart your home with your own hands and let God bring redemption and forgiveness. It’s time to let him, rebuild. I promise He has something incredible in mind for you.
Dear Lord- there are so many things that fuel our demolition projects, anger, hurt, fear, frustration… the list is unending. There are big things we tear apart and small ones. The world hurts… but God- we know that you can heal. I pray for everyone that comes here today- that you’d help them to look at their hands and see if it’s by their own hands that they are tearing apart their homes. Regardless of what fuels it- God I pray that you’d bring redemption. Restore what was lost by the price that you paid that very first Easter. I pray for the courage and grace to forgive and be forgiven. I love you Lord- and I delight in what you are re-building in me- and what you are about to do in each one here. Amen.
Take a step- today. Get help. Pray. Forgive, (maybe even -forgive yourself?) Stop sabotaging what God wants to build. Let Him Build.
Amen, let Him build. Blessings to you sweetie.
Oh yes. I’ve done a bit of tearing down my own his as well. I”m also trying not to do that anymore. Thanks for sharing.
That is so true, Tracey. Sometimes we just need to get out of His way to finish the house He is building.
Thank you for sharing your heart with us Tracey.
Thank you, Tracey, for fleshing out that word picture from scripture in such a real way. Bless you.
(please enter me)
What an inspiration today, Tracey! I’ve been there too 😉 thanks for sharing your heart…
Very true, and straight from the heart!! Thank you! Lord I have been REDEEMED!! thanks for sharing such a great message:)
Thanks for sharing…
Please enter me today.
Tracey,
This proverb came to life in your story. I, too, have had bloodied fingernails. Praise the Lord ALL OF IT is redeemed by our Redeemer.
Amen.
Thank you so much for this posting. Oh, how I need to hear this
today. The last few days have been frustrating. Taking the time to sit back and let Him build, is something that needs to be done in my own life.
Too many times we try to do it all own our own and do not just let Him. ~~ I am so thankful for God’s redemption.
Please enter me today.
Blessings,
Rachel T
What an amazing picture for each of us who tries to find justice with our own strength. thank you for the reminder of whom the battle belongs to.
also, enter me, please!!!
Thank you for sharing your inspiring story of redemption.
Oh, how well I know the destructive forces we can unleash on ourselves. Praise Jesus that He wants to rebuild us and make us into creations we cannot even begin to picture. Thanks so much for post, Tracey, a timely reminder for me.
Also, please enter me.
Wow… that was powerful… in every sense of the WORD!!
Thank you for the window to your heart….
Connie
I spent the first few years of my marriage trying to tear apart the “gift” that God had given to me. I didn’t feel worthy of such love. Thankfully, we did the “hard” thing and allowed God to remodel our marriage into his desire…his will for our lives. Thank you for the post…please enter me.
peace~elaine
What a very powerful post! Not one I will soon forget, thank you for your willingness to speak boldly!
~~Kelley
please enter me
Thank you for sharing your story.
Please enter me, thanks.
Wow – thanks for sharing!
Please enter me.
I have done my share of tearing down and I have done some building as well. Praise God that now a days I’m doing more of the “building” then the tearing apart. He can grow us!
Please enter me for Proverbs 31 She Speaks!
Blessings!!!
Wow how I wish I had this devotion a few months ago. I not only tore it down brick by brick but I almost demolished my home. I was blinded by Satin and almost allowed him to destroy 26 years of marriage. God’s mearcy and grace picked up the pieces and turned something so ugly into something so beautiful. Women are attacked at the most vital part of our life…our emotions (the heart) If we are left with out guidance and encouragement we will destroy our foundation of life. Thank you for your encouragement and guidance through God’s word. I look forward to see what God has in store for me this week through your devotions.
Angela
“enter me”
I can relate to the way you described. Often my first response to destroy what is hurting me but, isn’t it funny how the things that drive us to such great destruction don’t even matter after a while? If I go first to the Word and pray then I can over come my emotions with God’s truth. That is exactly what your posting demonstrated. Thank you for sharing and reminding me of who I am in Christ!
Enter Me
Lisa E.
Praise God!! He gives us everything we need to glorify and praise Him, to partner with Him to build our house… we have to make that choice DAILY to use what HE gives us! We have to make that choice daily to surrender to His plan and His means to build what He wants us to build. Surrender and submission are such difficult concepts for women today, we’ve been so afflicted with society’s changing perception of the strong independent woman. How on earth can we possibly see submission/surrender as healthy??? ONLY by the grace of God may we learn to surrender to Him, submit our lives to His will and His plans, and submit to our husbands, to build the lives He has for us.
Praise God for who He is, praise, glory and honor all to HIM!!!!
In His grip,
Sherry
ps, please enter me!
Timely reminder. I guess we all want to build our empires our own way and tend to forget that Jesus is the firm foundation and God the perfect builder. Enter me.
akech
I’ve had my beast since 1985! It still works but I’m a defroster / reheater more than a ‘cook’ with it. The dial split inside so to figure out the setting you must squeeze it and turn as you extrapolate how far around and too which setting you have landed! It will be time to replace eventually,but like our cars, we will run it into the ground. . . or maybe put the beast upon cinder blocks in our front yard! 😉 Thanks for your entertaining insights. I’ve opened a blog but it’s as yet blank: norgemama.wordpress.com and will be playing around as I figure it out! A new adventure.
appologies. Posted to wrong blog. . . . God bless all.
Thank you for sharing your heart, and yes I have been there. The Lord had to allow me to break everything before he could rebuild me. What a painful process, one I never want to return. But through God’s mercy it is sweet how he turned those painful times around to be used for His glory.
Praise God.
WOW!!! If this devotion was a book, I’d be reading my autobiography!
Thank you for being so transparent & sharing this. I too have been my own “one woman recking crew”. While it was in response to hurts too numerous to mention, ,my reactions gave no room for God to have HIS way and redeem the situation…..that is until recently.
In the past few months the spirit of the LORD has been speaking to me and I can actually hear HIM!
So healing and restoration are finally taking place. Wounds are healing and HE is erasing the memories of past failures. Most importantly I am learning to lean on HIM in a way I have never before and allow HIM full reign in my life. Learning how to cast all my cares on HIM for HE does trully care for me! Amazing!
Please Enter Me…..
It is frightening how often I find myself shuttering over the realization that I’m the fool in many of the Proverbs. As gut-wrenching a realization as it is, I’m filled with hope all the more that my God is the God of Impossibles. He hasn’t give up on anyone else; I’m sure he’s not going to start with me.
Enter me please.
WOW! That’s really good! Please Enter Me!
Tracey…I can say nothing that hasn’t already been said…but this hit the nail on the head with me. Wow. I look back and remember the “tearing down” days….and am thankful for the restoration of God. From time to time…I still walk around with a hammer in my hand….but God reminds me what my purpose is…and it is not to tear down…thanks for putting this out there! For putting yourself out there!
Thank you for sharing your heart Tracey. I did a similar demolition job years ago. For some reason there is this sense of entitlement – to happiness, to everything go the way we planned…on and on. It isn’t until we surrender it all to the One who loves us more than we can possibly imagine that we find what we were always looking for.
I’m so glad you wrote this.
Just the day before you shared this reflective story, I had carried a sawmill in my hand and bulldozed through my marriage. Two days later in a local newspaper I came across Proverbs 14.1 but I didn’t want to read the comment though it made me reflect on the number of times I had torn apart my home. I made a decision to change and prayed for guidance and guess what, I am free. Coming across the passage again this morning, I am inspired to remain the virtuous wife and mother that only 4 days ago, I chose and prayed to be.
To everyone who’s done their share of demolition…. I’m praying for you. Cleo—- so glad you set down the destructive tools… and how amazing and loving of God to continue to give you reminders… Will be praying.
What comments! I think we all have at one time or another taken control where God did not ask our help.
He truly knows what we need! Father knows best
Denise A
ENTER ME