Empty

I love writing – especially when I feel like I’m listening and letting God guide my thoughts. I love it because it’s those times that I hear God best. Or maybe it’s when I’m listening closest because I want to be poured out in a way that glorifies Jesus.

But then it is done.

And I feel, well, empty. And empty is not good – Biblically or otherwise.

 Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters. – Genesis 1:2 (NIV)

Empty, dark and formless… and deep. It sounds lonely… scary even. That’s what happens before God shows up – we are empty. Yet, even though I know the Holy Spirit dwells within me, I feel empty, lonely, dark even, when I finish a big project where my whole being has been engaged in listening for God’s voice.

When I am not too exhausted or have another project on the way, I am fine. Sometimes, though, I let the emptiness go unfilled with God’s Word and start to feel like Naomi as she headed back to Bethlehem after her husband and both sons died.

“I went away full, but the LORD has brought me back empty. Why call me Naomi? The LORD has afflicted me; the Almighty has brought misfortune upon me.” – Ruth 1:21 (NIV)

I start to wonder why God isn’t moving faster in my life, why His plans aren’t as clear as I like, what I’m supposed to be doing with my life. Then I start to doubt. I doubt that I am following God’s lead. Doubt that I actually heard God or wrote what He wanted. Doubt that I should be writing at all.

There are times I have sought satisfaction from the world. Validation, if you will. And no matter what my friends say about what I’ve written, I don’t believe them because I know that words can be empty and that I can’t fill the emptiness myself. Working on non-writing projects or even helping out at my children’s school, which I normally enjoy, does not fill me. Nor does food, exercise, shopping or other pleasures of the flesh – at least not for long.

There is only one form of empty that brings hope:

The Empty Tomb

Early on the first day of the week, while it was still dark, Mary Magdalene went to the tomb and saw that the stone had been removed from the entrance. So she came running to Simon Peter and the other disciple, the one Jesus loved, and said, “They have taken the Lord out of the tomb, and we don’t know where they have put him!” – John 20:1-3

God’s Word begins to refresh and refill me.

so is my word that goes out from my mouth:?

            It will not return to me empty,

but will accomplish what I desire?

            and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

– Isaiah 55:11

His Word does not come back empty. It fills just as it did when I first believed. It fills because it give His Spirit within me an opportunity to teach me, direct me, and guide me – all filling.

For you know that it was not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your ancestors, but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect. – 1 Peter 1:18-19 (NIV)

I love that we are filled with the Spirit when we believe, but also that we can be filled to His fullest again and again as we ask His Spirit to fill us to His fullest.We are not just filled but overflowing with the Holy Spirit. So, as I finish another project, I will continue to read God’s word, listen to the Bible in my car, pray, meet with Christian friends, engage in a Bible study and seek to be filled to overflowing with His Spirit so that I may be ready to be poured out again.

Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. – Ephesians 5:18-19 (NIV)

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