Conflict vs. Mentoring
One of the hardest things of being a Pastor’s wife is having to deal with conflict within the church. I do not like conflict. In my perfect world, everyone would like everyone; no one would hurt others and everyone would approve of the pastor’s wife’s outfit! (some humor on that last point).
But as you probably know ,“my perfect world” is not the reality world of most churches, or even workplaces or homes. The problem as I see it, is that people have not learned yet how to get along with other people. Take my family for instance: we can all be sitting around the dining room table, having a great time; laughing, reminiscing and catching up, when BAM! something is said or something is implied or something is misinterpreted and before we know it someone has gone and gotten their feelings hurt. Now, don’t get me wrong; our family loves one another and nobody would intentionally hurt another; but sometimes, it just happens.
The same is true in our workplaces and yes, even in church. Recently, I had a conversation with a lady who was having some frustrations with someone else in her church. After taking some time to listen, I came to realize what exactly the problem was. The problem was not what was happening, but how it was trying to get done. You see, one person had a vision of doing things a certain way, while the other had a completely different vision. The end result was the same – but the two ladies were having trouble agreeing on how to get to the end result.
After coming back to my office, I began to think about these two ladies and quickly God reminded me of the women spoken of in Titus 2:
“Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips, nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be dishonored.” (Titus 2:3-5)
Ladies, we are all called to be mentors. We are not to be in competition with one another, or be jealous of one another or be in constant conflict with one another. We, as older women, are to teach the younger. “Older” is not meaning your physical age; but rather, your spiritual maturity. Every single one of us has someone who we should be teaching.
I thought about these two ladies and I realized that what was happening was that the opportunity to teach and equip each other had somehow become lost in the conflict. I’m not sure who was the “older” in this situation, but sometimes I think we lose sight of the opportunity to mentor others just because we feel unqualified..
“I don’t know much about the Bible”. “I’m not good at sharing my faith”. “I really don’t know what to say!”
“all of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, for God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” (1 Peter 5:5b)
God will always give us the strength, the courage and the opportunity; He just asks that we be obedient. But before we can be that mentor that Titus 2 is talking about, we must first understand 4 things:
- We MUST be reverent in our behavior. I’m not talking about walking around with a sour frown on your face; rather, I’m saying that this means to live your life holy unto the Lord. Striving to be more like Him, and less like the world.
- We MUST not be a slanderer. We can call it stretching the truth, lying, backbiting, gossiping or any other word, but God says, “don’t do it!” As a older woman (more mature) in faith, we need to seek the truth, no matter the cost, and SPEAK IT! We must lead others TO Christ and not AWAY from Him, because of our speech.
- We MUST not be given to much wine. We need to be careful of what our testimony speaks to others. Full of alcohol during the week and full of the Holy Ghost on Sunday will not mix with those we are trying to train up in the Lord. A drunk will do anything to get a bottle; we as Christians should have the same attitude towards getting the Holy Spirit into us – do whatever it takes to have it fluent within us.
- We MUST be a teacher of good things. There is only One that is good and that is God. In order to teach others about Him, we must know Him first. Read your Word, Pray and seek to be more like God, in all areas of your life.
I don’t know who God has placed in your life to mentor, perhaps it is that very one that you are in conflict with right now. Pray and ask God to help you train and teach someone younger to know the ways of the Lord. I promise, as you look for more opportunities to draw others closer to God, the feelings of inadequacies and the turmoil of conflict will cease.
PRAYER: Dear Lord; thank you for entrusting in me the opportunity to mold someone else in your image. As I look around my world, point me to that one that you would have me to mentor. Help me to become the woman of God that you desire so that I can be found encouraging, and loving, and kind and humble before You. AMEN
you bless, thanks
Great message, Laurie. You are right, conflict can happen anywhere, but it really depends on how we will handle it. May we do and say everything with grace, God’s grace.