Control
Several years ago, I was invited to be a part of a panel for a presentation to young mothers. One question directed to me was, “What phase of motherhood is the most difficult?” Many thoughts rushed through my mind but almost immediately I found the answer. I replied, “I don’t think there is any one phase that is the most difficult, it is the transition times between phases that are the most difficult.”
That brings up the issue of control. Have you ever considered why the word “expecting” is used to indicate that a baby is on the way? Perhaps, as it was in my experience, it is because the moment that you find out that you are going to have a child, you are filled with all sorts of expectations. In reality, our “expectations” simply set us up for situations that we never “expected.” Some of these situations lead to disappointment, fear and pain. As our child transitions from infant to toddler, from pre-school to elementary school, and from pre-teen to teenager to adult, with each change, we must give up more and more control. For a mother who wants to love and protect her child, this is a very difficult thing to do.
These transition times can be frustrating and challenging for both child and mother. The day eventually comes when you have no control. Even though you want to offer all sorts of good advice, to try to fix and rescue and help, it becomes clear that your child will not learn from your experience. They will only learn from their own. At that point, what can a mother do?
I found the answer when my older daughter graduated from high school and entered college. It was then that I was invited to join a Moms in Prayer group. We met weekly to pray for our children and schools. To say that my life was transformed is an understatement. It changed me from a “prayer worrier” to a “prayer warrior.” I learned to pray in a new way. Rather than just giving God a laundry list of things I wanted Him to do, I learned to praise Him for who He is. I learned that praise is not thanking Him for what He has done but it springs from knowing His character. Each week we focused on one of the attributes of God and after reading scripture that illustrated that attribute, we spent some time just praising Him. We then had a time of silent confession, then a time of acknowledging and thanking God for the ways we see Him at work in response to our prayers.
You may notice that up to this point in our prayer time we had not asked for anything. Our entire focus was on God – praising Him, seeking His forgiveness, and thanking Him. Now we were ready to bring our cares and concerns to Him, trusting in His power and His faithfulness.
After 24 years, I still meet with moms and pray with them in this way. Learning four simple steps of prayer has filled my life with passion and purpose. These four steps can be remembered by the word “PRAY.” Praise – Repent – Acknowledge – Yield. My life has been transformed as I have learned to shift my focus from what I can do to what God can do. This changes my perspective, for I am trusting the One who is faithful to work in ways that will give me peace and bring Him glory.
Some time ago while I was babysitting my grandson, he became tired and distressed. He was crying, resisting my efforts to calm him. Finally, he came to me and raised up his arms. It was as though he was saying, “I surrender. Take me in your arms and hold me.” I bent down to him, lifted him into my arms and held him until he was comforted. Yet, before I could do this, he first had to give up control.
This reminded me that when I surrender and give up control to God, I find peace, that rest of heart, mind and spirit that we all seek. This peace is based on the fact that God is in control, God is sovereign, God has a plan, and God is always at work – regardless of what it might look like at the moment. A mom at peace is a much better mom. She is not striving – she is resting.
My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth! Psalm 121:2 (NLT)
Powerful message, Carol. Thank you so much for sharing your insights. You are right; we want to be in control, but there are things that we can’t control. We need to trust Him to see us through, and give us His peace.
Wonderful post. Some of our most defining moments are when we are in surrender mode. It’s natural to want to be in control but sometimes we must need to know that somehow everything is going to be ok.