My Heartache
What makes your heart ache?
For me, it’s the lack of intimacy with my husband, my family and my friends right now. By intimacy, I mean connecting with others on a God level. I feel alone in my faith walk. I long to share my God moments with others more deeply–and more often.
Yesterday I talked on the phone for over an hour with a precious friend. It was gut level, heart-to-heart talk. We shared our passion for romance, love and God. I felt such satisfaction because we shared on a deep level—a level that doesn’t seem to come around every day. Our talk energized me. But after I hung up the phone, I felt emotional, worn out and even sick to my stomach. Our conversation tapped into my greatest joy: exchanging God stories and talking about the love of God. I hurt realizing this need is not usually met. Maybe that’s because I choose to be silent when I could speak up and share.
I desire to live in relationship with God and share that joy with others. Real living for me is loving others in such a way that I reach into their hearts and pull out beauty, pain and their greatest passions. But anymore, at the risk of sounding judgmental, I feel like more and more people live comfortably numb. Me included, at times!
When I don’t want to hear my heart’s cry, I find ways to silence it. I eat something sweet when I’m full. I spend money I don’t have. I pretend I don’t need attention or affection from my husband. For comfort, I search blogs for something written from that deep place. At the library I check out non-fiction books looking for a God connection with the author. I busy myself with home or writing projects.
After my phone call, I sent a quick email to my friend saying thanks and please pray for me. Then I talked and cried to my husband about this battle while he listened. When I checked my email again, my friend replied, sharing what God spoke to her after our conversation. It was profound and beautiful. She challenged me to go to Him and pour out my ache. I did. As I journaled my thoughts and prayed, I paused and listened for God’s voice. He spoke love and correction to me. He encouraged me to drink deeper and soak longer in His love. His final words are still with me today.
“Follow me.”
I asked how. His answer:
“Love first.”
Silence.
Heavenly Father, you know my heartache. Only You can fill the emptiness in me! Living deep, by the heart, is lonely sometimes. I feel like a strange, sea creature at the bottom of the sea aching for others to come explore with me. Help me trust You with my longing. Give me courage to love first like you do and see what happens. Please give me strength to travel alone with You. Or please send me hearts that are willing to dive deep into Your ocean of love. What I see is so amazing down here, it’s hard not to want to share. In Christ’s Name, Amen
(Sorry for the delay on this post, my internet went down for almost two days. God bless, Tiffany)
oh Tiffany! I echo your thoughts…”follow me” – so true!
I wanted to e-mail you but didn’t find your address, so I’ll comment here. My encouragement is to immerse yourself deeply in the Word, not occasional bits and pieces but lots and lots and lots. Trust and obey. No one understands your heart like God . . . no one, friend, husband, parent, child, no one . . . run to Him often and let His Word feed you, comfort you, correct you, direct your way, etc. He has a plan and it is good – unlike anyone else’s plan – now that’s exciting!
Absolutely beautiful…..just as your heart….
I understand COMPLETELY what you are saying…you know I do.
I think what Papa God continues to speak to me is that it truly is about love. Love because we were first loved. When He takes me to 1 Corinthians 13: I am pierced everytime. He loved not thinking of Himself, but of Papa God. It’s hard to do, so very hard to do. So when I read His words to you, “Love First”…. I am drawn back to that place of remembering that He created me to be a gift of love to the earth.
May I learn to love as He did, allowing the overflow of my deep intimate times with Papa to pour out over me and into the lives around me.
Love ya, dear friend,
Julie
Bless your precious heart.
Thanks for sharing this. I’ve been thinking about the need for me to be connected – to God, to people around me. What a timing word. Tks once again. God bless your heart.
Thank you for sharing your heart, and being open about the struggles many of us go through. Hugs.
Thank you so much for sharing from you heart, Tiffany. Yes, it is sometimes not easy to travel the road alone, but He knows you heart…stay close to Him – He is there for you. And I know that He will send people into your life that share the same passion as you have…
Blessings to you and yours…
Oh Tiffany
I can so relate to you here… I too long for someone to share with the things God is showing and teaching me, at times they seem so profound that it just almost kills me to not have someone to share it with.
I do have a wonderful group of Godly ladies that I can share with, but my longing is for a mom with young kids like mine to share with, a mom who is raising her kids to love and serve Jesus wholeheartedly… that is my prayer. But I have learned to be content with just me and Jesus, for really that is all I need. Just think, when we get to Heaven everyone will just be wild and crazy for Jesus and it will be wonderful!!
Blessings!
Thank you for so openly sharing your heart. This stung with conviction. Like you, at times I have found ways to quiet my heart’s cry through food, or sometimes simply busyness. I think that’s why I was so quickly drawn to blogging. On one level, it has fulfilled a longing for fellowship with like-minded women. I know however, I have to be careful. It can quickly become just another distraction from hearing the voice of God. Not to mention, it becomes easier than ever to try and satisfy my longing for intimacy with God through reading what He is doing and saying in the lives of others. Second hand truth may fulfill for a time, but in the end, it’s also hollow. God is the only one who can meet the deepest longings of my heart for intimacy. He knows the aches I seldom even allow myself to feel. I echo your prayer tonight…this plea especially touches me…”Help me trust You with my longing…” May it be so, Lord.
I am right there with you, Tiffany. I know exactly what you are saying, feeling, thinking on this one. Thanks for sharing this with us, especially the Lord’s response to you.
Oh Tiffanie,
Once again you reached in deeply and touched a part of all our hearts.
Thanks for sharing this struggle and great passion with us.
I’m so blessed the Lord provided that friend for you, and you took the challenge to plunge in even deeper.
“Friendship is born at the moment when one person says to another: ‘What! You, too? I thought I was the only one.” (C.S. Lewis)
So blessed to call you my friend,
Susan
Oh my, I misspelled your name, I’m sorry!!!
Tiffany, thank you for sharing your heart with us. I understand that longing to share more than just the surface but to go deeper… Praying that even as you follow him he will grant you your heart desire.
Tiffany, Thank you so much for sharing your heart with us. There are so many of us walking alone in our quest for more of the Lord. I just moved to Colorado 7 mos ago and feel so alone, not knowing many christian gals and hungry for fellowship but the Lord is right here for me, right now. For each of us, He wants to be first in our lives. Bless you as you continue to seek Him for He will meet those deep deep needs.
In Him, Noreen
Tiffany, A beautiful the really speaks to me today. I long to share my love for the God and related experiences, too, and find that when I hold that in that nothing is quite right.
Tiffany,
It is one our of greatest desires to know someone at this intimate level and to be known. Thank you for sharing. I often live in this place as well. Jesus always arrives to hold me.
Wonderful Post. Hugs~
Oh, the timeliness of this for me. Thank you for sharing the deep longings of your heart, mine are much the same and I was in a similar place today and He spoke the same words to me…”He encouraged me to drink deeper and soak longer in His love.” I too need that strength to travel alone with Him. The courage to do it. Bless you.