My Polygraph Test
But Lot’s wife looked back, and she became a pillar of salt. Gen. 19:26 NIV
Remember Lot’s wife! Luke 17:32 NIV
My husband Paul is my reluctant passenger whenever I travel down memory lane. Once I put on my turn signal and head toward recollection road his body stiffens and his eyes roll back in his head in silent protest. It is at that very moment that I commit a felony, a marriage felony. I become his kidnapper and he becomes my unwilling hostage.
Any questions I may ask him like, “Paul, do you remember that time…?” or “Paul, have you ever…?” can instantly transform his countenance. For the first time in a long while, I was able to share my husband’s pain. I am pursuing a part-time job at a local police department. This morning I took a polygraph test.
It really isn’t fair to compare the stress of a polygraph test or lie detector test with taking a quick trip into the past. Well, I guess it depends on your past. But I can’t help but feel that the similarities are striking. Like my husband Paul, as soon as the polygraph technician began asking me questions I immediately tensed up. She asked things like, “As far back as you can remember, have you ever stolen something from your employer…even as a teenager?” I silently thought, “Yikes, a teenager! Are we going back that far!?!” My mind quickly began to try and figure out if my infractions were still admissible in court. I was thinking of answers even before she asked the questions. I nervously wondered, “Is there a statute of limitations on stolen Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups?” At one point I almost blurted out loud, “I never inhaled!!!” As my mind raced I anxiously thought, “Should I have my attorney present for the remainder of this test?!?” Like Paul, I would bet money, that as the questions continued, my eyes began to roll into the back of my head too. Some of the questions brought back memories that I was not thrilled to answer. While still more questions brought back memories I was not too proud of and even others that are actually quite shameful.
As I was driving home from my test I felt miserable. My past was laced with sins that I had not thought of in a long time. I couldn’t help but think of the story in Genesis when the angels grabbed Lot and his wife and daughters by the hand and pulled them to safety from the destruction soon to befall Sodom and Gomorrah. “As soon as they had brought them out, one of the angels said to them, “Flee for your lives! Don’t look back, and don’t stop anywhere in the plain” Gen. 19:17 NIV What a command to this family. Not only were they to flee for their lives, they were ordered not to look back and not to stop anywhere along the plain. This means they weren’t even to saunter, stroll or loiter in their past. What a command for me too. The Lord gave this command to protect me from feeling miserable. Well, of course I was feeling miserable! I had just spent three unusually long hours meandering down the road of my sinful past.
God’s Word says, I am not to look back there and not even to stop anywhere along that sinful road of remembrance. I thought of Romans 8:1 “There is no condemnation in Christ Jesus.” Another verse my girlfriend had reminded me of yesterday came to mind, “He has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west.” Psalm 130:12 NLV And then verse 2Cor.5:17 “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.” It was only after washing my mind in God’s Word that I again had peace.
The enemy would love to keep us back there at our Sodom and Gomorrah days. He would love to make us think that this is who we truly are. Whenever you feel yourself going there, use God’s Word as He tells us to, as a sword to slice and dice those lies! Sisters, don’t give the enemy a foothold. Turn immediately to the Lord in moments like these. God’s Word is supernatural and more powerful than any deep breathing exercises or 800 milligram Ibuprofen tablet to take away the pain and shame of our sinful past.
Remember friends, God has blessed us with an amazing brain. This brain of ours not only functions as a bad memory retriever but can also bring back to mind many beautiful memories as well. There is nothing wrong with looking back at baby photos of your children or love letters from your husband. There is nothing wrong with looking in your life’s rear view mirror from time to time to see all the special moments we have been blessed with. The reality is, that while driving forward, we can only look in our rear view mirrors for just a moment. If we were continue driving while keeping our eyes on that mirror with a view of where we have been, we would not be able to move forward very well and would eventually crash.
Jesus reminds us in the gospel of Luke, “Remember Lot’s wife!” He wants us to be cautious at looking back because looking back keeps us from moving forward and closer to Him. That is why we call this our ‘Christian walk’, not our ‘Christian stand’ or our ‘Christian stop’. Christianity is a process. As we continue in this supernatural process we will take steps forward each and every time we grow and mature. Each time we press on towards the prize.
As in all uncomfortable moments and trials I do know, that like you, as a daughter of our King, He promises that He works everything out for the good for those who love Him. I can already see today as a blessing. What started out as a nauseating recollection of the miry muck of my past soon became a great reminder to me of God’s grace, mercy and forgiveness. I am so thankful that I have a Savior and that I am redeemed. He has forgiven me and washed me as white as snow. What a reminder for me to keep moving forward on that straight and narrow path. On this road with Jesus at the wheel, I will be a willing passenger and lucky for Paul, I won’t take any hostages this time.
In His Love,
Joanne Kraft
Guest Contributor
Joanne Kraft writes from her home in Northern California, where she lives with her husband Paul and their four children. If she is not in her garden, or shopping at thrift stores, you can find her at her blog “Blessed…” at www.onesoblessed.blogspot.com
I don’t know….Can you give standing ovations for something someone has written? If you coulld I would. I literally felt your pain and cringed along with you as your story unfolded. I may have ended up down right depressed if it was me taking that test. YIKES! You’re one brave woman!
Yes, that is soo right! I get down just thinking of all the years I have “wasted” as a Christian. Like you said… in a Christian Stop instead of a Christian Walk. But now, by His grace, I am pressing on!
I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. Phil. 3:14
Great message Joanne.
How guilty I am as I’ve spent many a moment regretting things done or not done in the past… but how sweet His covering upon me to forgive and forget all those things.
As for your Polygraph… I can only utter a hardy, “Better you than me”… as a non believer for the first half of my life, and a saved but not thriving Christian for another 10 years or so- those questions would have been far to difficult for me to answer.
Ohhhh the Blood of Jesus!!!
Love you friend.
Wow, thanks for sharing this.
I was grimacing the entire time you wrote about the polygraph. I can imagine my own personal sins weighing me down on the car ride home. Your reminder of God’s word was a refreshment to my soul! How amazing that our sins are so far removed, especially when our memory wants to bring them to the surface and shame us!
Joanne,
Awesome Post. Thanks so much for adding to our site. See you soon. Love and hugs, Lynn
What a great devotion! A test like that would bring back all those things I’ve kind of forgotten. What a reminder of how much Christ really took on for us.