Who Are You?
I have to admit that I am a big fan of mystery and drama. I love to solve problems and watch dramas. One of my favorites TV dramas is CSI. I know that with each episode, there is always going to be a strange, complicated twist. Yet somehow what catches my attention even more than the drama is the theme song.
“Who are you? Who, who, who, who? I really wanna know. Who are you?”
Every time I hear that chorus, it reverberates in my head for days, the question repeatedly echoing, “Who are you?” And I begin to ask myself the same question. Who am I to my family? Who am I to myself? Who am I to those around me? And, most importantly, who am I to my God? Those are the questions that I really do want to know because they determine how I live my life. Am I being the wife and mother that I should be to my husband and children? Am I caring for myself both physically and spiritually? What kind of example and influence do I set for those within my circle of influence? What will I have to say to my Holy Savior at the end of my life when I answer for my actions?
As I said earlier, I also love to solve problems. It doesn’t matter whose problem it is, I think that I can solve it. As I begin to try to solve my family’s and friends’ problems (whether they’ve asked me to or not!), I find myself internally deciding to make sacrifices of myself or my needs in order to attempt to solve their problem. Over the years, I’ve found that it is easy to become frustrated, angry and bitter that the recipient of my sacrifices did not appreciate all that I had done for them. But as I look at who I really am, and who I was created to be, I see that I sacrificed even more than I thought I had. I made the choice to sacrifice the opportunity to learn lessons that God had set up for them. And even worse, I set myself in God’s place.
Many instances come to mind over the years, but one specific one jumps out at me. Not too long ago, my husband received a small inheritance. Some acquaintances found out, and soon they were at our doorstep. They shared with us how they were experiencing deep financial troubles, and how they were about to be evicted from their home if they could not come up with a specific amount of money. They offered to do various labor projects for us that they knew I had been wanting to get done in exchange for the funding in advance. Immediately we both felt uncomfortable about it, but I told myself that I was being judgmental, and that if God had blessed us, we should in turn bless others. My husband and I discussed it, and I pressured him that we could really do without the vacation that we had planned for our family if it meant that the other family would not be without a home. After a couple of days, we agreed to move forward with the arrangement. We provided the money that they needed in full, then began to make arrangements for them to fulfill their part of the commitment. Weeks and months went by and the excuses continued to pile up as the work remained undone and we heard nothing from them. My frustration and bitterness grew within me.
Finally, I chided God for allowing us to have to go through this when we had sacrificed for this ungrateful family. He gently reminded me that I had stepped into His place of instruction. He had a plan in mind for this family, and I had stepped in and stopped them from His lesson. Now I needed to learn my lesson as well: who I am is not a Savior or a Redeemer. As I look back at my choices, I see so many that were not right so much as sacrificial. And then a sweet, still voice reminds me of Proverbs 21:3:
To do what is right and just is more acceptable to the Lord than sacrifice.
I am gently reminded that more than anything else, who I am is a woman that is loved and forgiven. Who I am is a light and a guide pointing to the Great Sacrifice. Who I am is a mother who has the ability to choose to show her children love by being firm and consistent. Who I am is a wife who supports her husband even when she doesn’t agree with his choices. Who I am is a friend who listens and prays instead of judging and condemning. Who I am is a woman that chooses to take time out to care for her needs appropriately on a consistent basis. Who I am is a woman that loves her God and wants to honor Him even when all seems impossible.
Now, keep in mind that just because that is the woman who I was created to be, and the woman that I am in my spirit; this does not mean that these are the qualities that I always portray. But my mission is to be able to truly answer the question, “Who are you?” with these answers.
Who are you? Have you ever given it much thought? The next time that you hear this song, ask yourself these same questions. The answers might surprise you.
Wendy Mueller’s Signature
You are right, Wendy. We have to be careful not to step in the way of God’s teachings. We need to be often quiet to see His way.
Thank you for sharing your wisdom.
So very true.
Wow, Wendy. Although some may have already told you, I want to say that I feel for you having gone through that. I can imagine how betrayed and inconvenienced (and other feelings!) you must have felt. I have had much time to reflect after returning from being abroad. I needed to examine myself and open up my heart. While I was deeply hurt by some people and different circumstances during and before that time in Costa Rica, I also lashed out from time to time even though my truer self might have willed not to. This walk is a process. I am just trying to keep within the lane of my character, which is the real me.