Refreshment in Motherhood
As I laid my head on the pillow at night, the tears began to flow. Did I even tell my children that I love them today? Did they hear anything but yelling from me throughout the day? Sure they were acting up and pulling on my last nerve, but do they know I love them?
“Father please raise the boys I have into Godly men despite my efforts” became the prayer I prayed more times than I care to admit. So many times I wanted to tell the Lord ‘here is my mommy badge, I am messing these kids up.’ There are so many mothers who are better, more patient, smarter, and have well behaved kids. Father what were you thinking when you gave blessed me with three boys? I am a girly girl who likes girl stuff. And not only did you give me all boys but you moved me clear across the United States from all my support. Father you are making me do all this on my own!!
Why do you give your sons more honor than you give me? God asked in 1 Samuel 2:29.
Yes I was without my support and truth be told if I was near my family I fear I would have relied on my parents more than I should have. Each day I “served” my husband and boys until I had nothing left of me, no identity of who I was. I woke up each morning and served them again; poured out all I had.
The Lord had to remove me from all that was familiar and I had to come to the end of myself where I knew I was not the wife I should be, and not the mother I thought I would be. Despite all I did, all the serving I poured out, I was failing.
Why do we as mothers choose to be exhausted rather than allow God to refresh us? It was not until I cried out to God yelling ‘I can’t do this anymore, you are asking too much of me’ then God showed up and said….”EXACTLY!”
God spoke to me and said:
Why are you putting others first?
Why do you labor for your family and give them all you have and I have nothing?
Why do you turn to everyone else for help before you turn to me?
Why have I only become your SOS God?
It was then that I broke down in sobs, with my face to the floor and said I can not do this anymore….without you. I am not a good Mom without you Lord. I am not a good wife without you Lord. Sure I can exist on autopilot and serve my family, do what needs to be done, but that is not the way Christ has called me to live.
I say this gently but anything you put before God is your idol, even your family. This mother’s day I pray you can rest and reflect. So many of us give and give and give until we have nothing left inside of us.
The secret is that God keeps us filled up as long as we place him first in our life.
As my boys are now teens and we are getting into a very busy season in our lives I am still constantly reminded that God needs to come before all I do for my family! Sure I still struggle being a ‘do-er,’ but God only has to remind me of what it feels like when he is not first above all….even my family.
Heavenly Father, thank you teaching this mother that I am nothing without you. I have often felt like I failed this job called “motherhood” more times than I care to admit, but in the end you were actually teaching me, stretching me, and molding me into the Godly mother/wife you have called me to be. I don’t have everything figured out, I still fail in this area, but I know you are there to pick me up, dust me off and refresh me once again. Father I lift up all the single mothers today may you give them an extra dose of patience, may you pour down your comfort and blessings upon them today. Amen!
Amen
THANK YOU! I so needed this. Happy Mother’s Day
Laurel, what transparency and truth here. You testify beautifully to the need we all must have of a righteous ordering of our lives. Happy Mother’s Day!
the sos God… yes, i know that all too well!
wonderful candid post!
God bless!
Motherhood is a tough road – but we weren’t meant to travel it alone. Thanks for sharing what you’ve learned along the way.
So true…thank you.
Laurel:
I went to bed last night, echoing some of the sentiments you shared. We had a rough mother’s day…exhausting. Sunday are like that for us, and by the end of the day, I found myself thinking…
“Some mother’s day!”
I prayed for forgiveness, for my words and actions sometimes spoke the frustrations of my heart. I have four children, 19,16, 7, 5. So my mothering fluctuates between extremes…older kids and younger ones. It’s been a tough embrace for me, but with God’s help, we’re making it through with some grace and beauty.
Thanks for sharing your heart. You have blessed mine with your words.
peace~elaine
I too have felt the same. I’m glad God doesn’t take my Mommy badge from me; instead He continues to work on me.
Oh Laurel,
You are always a woman who points me to Christ….
This thoughts was just for me:Why have I only become your SOS God?
How often I have been there. Also, this prayer, I am praying on my knees right along with you. Thank you Laurel. 🙂
Thank you for writing this. My boys are little, but I have felt like that so many days. May we fill ourselves up with the Lord everyday before we even realize we need it! 🙂
Oh girl. How often I have sobbed in that same place on the floor…and He met me there every time.
You are such a blessing—and I know you are a good mom. Yes, we all have those “days”…but then as my mother always says…”this too shall pass”….and it does.
I love you!
Hope you had a blessed Mother’s Day! Thank you for this post. I have 5 children with the oldest 3 being boys. My oldest will be a teenager this year, yikes! I often feel llike a failure as a mom. But I remember that I only have a few years left before the older ones are gone, and it makes me beg God for Him to work through me. I want to be a better mother a.k.a a godly mother.
Blessings!